


Pregnant Pitch is be Cray

by Lynn_StarDragon



Series: Purdy [3]
Category: Guardians of Childhood - William Joyce, Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 02:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1328878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynn_StarDragon/pseuds/Lynn_StarDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is never simple for Pitch. Meaning life is never simple for the Guardians. An alternative continuation of <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1093162">'Purdy'</a>.</p><p>Posted for St. Patrick's Day because reasons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pregnant Pitch is be Cray

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone wondering what would have happened to Pitch in/after ['Purdy'](http://heartlessdarkness-mun.tumblr.com/post/70733214815/rotg-fanfic-purdy) if the Nightmares had gotten ahold of him.
> 
> Beta'd (and heavily influenced) by Vihtalaini.

 

 

Day: 1; Time: 11:XX hours EST.

 

"You have a rather lovely lens flare, on the inside." Pitch Black stood quite literally eye to eye with Jack Frost, though he had to bend over slightly to press the left side of his face to the right side of Jack's. 

This was the furthest thing from what the icy teen had expected to happen on an otherwise mundane day. He couldn't even move and felt horribly awkward and uncomfortable and just what was this bullshit? "Um, what?" It wasn't the most intelligible response he could have come up with, but it felt the most fitting considering not moments ago he was standing alone by his frozen lakeside about to decide where he would bring snow to today.

"Actually you have a ship full of them. In space. A 'space' ship, you might say, full of lens flares." The abruptly close and personal voice of Pitch Black spoke almost directly into his ear, "Did you ever pilot a ship, Jack? A ship in space, a space ship perhaps?" He was leaning his weight on the boy, the focal point of which, where their cheekbones touched. All it would take was for Jack to move a step to one side or the other and Pitch would be in a pile on the ground.

Jack still couldn't bring himself to move because everything was wrong with this and _how had Pitch gotten into his face in the time it took him to blink_?! "No. Just... no. Are you..."

"Pregnant? A little bit, actually. Yes." He was speaking in an unwavering pleasant, almost monotone, voice. "I might need some kind of medical attention, really." The way Pitch was responding to everything in a pleasantly matter-of-fact manner made his unflappable calm all the more eerie and unsettling for the winter sprite.

"H-how did you end up pregnant?" As far as the young Guardian understood things the Boogeyman was a... _male_ spirit? Were the rules different? Why did he suddenly care!?

"I'm not sure. Just as I'm not sure why my legs have given out." 

"Your legs are fine, they're holding you up." He tried not to sound exasperated in the face of the dark spirit's apparent lunacy. The continued unflappable pleasantness was still wildly disconcerting for Jack and the situation in general didn't agree with him in the slightest either. 

"Oh, well they're about to give out." No sooner spoken than Pitch slumped forward, toppling both Jack and himself onto the cold earth and landed in a heap covering over the shorter sprite. "Now might be a good time for that medical attention, I'm fairly certain. Yes now would be a fine time indeed."

"Yeah, sure, I'll call up Bunny." The icy teen bit out with some sarcasm.

"Oh that would be lovely. He's, ah, rather good at healing, being a progenitor of new life and all." Pitch then went utterly still and silent, possibly waiting for the frost bringer to make good on his offhanded comment.

A intolerable pressure started to build up inside Jack with the same relentless tension as the oppressive silence. "Wind?" The young sprite cried out mournfully, well past the point of fear since it was clear that was the furthest thing from Pitch's current intentions. "Get Bunny, get someone!" He was also well past the realm of all things uncomfortable, because really, what the hell was wrong with the Nightmare King?

"Your ship is very nice looking, on the inside, where it's full of lens flares." Even flopped on the ground the fear spirit had somehow managed to keep his face plastered to Jack's.

"And Hurry!" His sanity could only take so much and staring right into Pitch's one eye was already far exceeding his preferred levels of creepy for the week.

Just as he started to seriously consider slapping his one free hand against the ground to drum up some attention Jack saw the turf a few feet away from them yawn open into a familiar tunnel mouth. 

"Jack, this had better be an emergency." Bunnymund bounced up from the hole only to freeze on the spot and gap down at the pair of spirits helplessly.

"Well I'm pretty sure this qualifies!" The frostling in question called back indignantly.

"I concur, this is very much an emergency." Pitch stated in his disturbingly mellow manner. "A medical emergency, to be precise." He didn't even attempt to move off of Jack, or look up from the boy's one eye. "It seems I have contracted a pregnancy."

"Wot!? How?!" The spring spirit bounded over, all of his previous trepidation seemingly forgotten.

"I don't rightly know." Pitch didn't fight as he was bodily hoisted, pushed upwards off of the younger spirit, and hefted like a very clumsy damsel into the arms of the Easter Bunny. "That would be why I would require your assistance. That, and to ascertain why my legs have stopped working."

"I'd wager the two things are related," Bunny muttered absently as he shifted Pitch in his arms and held him much more securely.

"Oh, that would make everything simpler," the Boogeyman genially smiled at the Easter Bunny and let his head lull onto Aster's shoulder with a quiet thump.

At the Easter spirit's horrified look Jack just nodded. "Yep, he's been like this all day. So, Guardian meeting at North's?"

"Guardian meeting at North's." He quickly agreed.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 1; Time: 13:00 hours NPST

 

"I didn't really get the chance to appreciate the workshop the last time I was here, but I do like what Nicholas has done with the place." The dark spirit commented from his seat on the infirmary bed. The bed itself was rather plain with its head perpendicular to the wall and its feet pointing at a set of double doors.

Jack sighed as Pitch dazedly looked around Santoff Claussen. Seeing the fear spirit be so out of it and having him in close proximity to boot was exceedingly freaky and already threatening to wear on his nerves.

"You are saying he has been like this since you found him?" North shot the Boogeyman a dubious look as did the guard yetis keeping a close eye on him. Toothiana and Sandy had arrived a little while ago and all of them were currently in the Medical Wing trying to work out what to do. 

"Yup, just all pleasant and nice and not himself. And touchy." Jack added as he threw a disgruntled look in Pitch's general direction.

"That would, ah, be at odds with my civil behavior. I do believe the word you are looking for is 'hands on'." The Nightmare King oh so helpfully replied.

"That's two words!" The teen snapped.

"Jack, if he's pregnant, nothing he says or does is gonna make a lick ah sense." Bunny raked his paws through his head-fur in exasperation.

"Speaking of which," Pitch turned his focus onto the Pooka, "would you like to sniff me now, or shall we need some privacy?" Pitch's delivery and demeanor were as placid as ever, and the only facial expression accompanying his inquiry was a slightly tilted smile, as if his odd statement were the most normal thing in the world.

"Uh," Aster hesitated for a moment before nodding, "actually yes and no, in that order."

"What are you doing that for?" Toothiana asked suspiciously while quickly drifting up out of a suddenly intent Sandy's path as he tried to get closer to Pitch.

"Seeing if he's telling the truth," was the spring spirit's only reply. He inhaled deeply before his face blanched (which was a rather impressive feat with all of that fur). "Bloody oath."

"Oh god, was he telling the truth?!" Jack yelled.

"You need to sit down," Bunny cautioned the winter sprite as he himself settled down onto his haunches.

"I am sitting down." Pitch calmly stated. "Actually I'm laying down in a bed, but the concept holds true that I am down and can get no further."

"Well you can just sit down again." The pooka amended. "Maybe we all should." He looked ready to flop down onto his fuzzy tail. Sandy perturbedly motioned for the large hare to spit it out already as he floated at Pitch's bedside. "Pitch _is_ pregnant. Twice."

"Um, do you mean he's having twins?" Jack asked with an uncomfortable trepidation.

"No, he's pregnant, and that pregnancy is pregnant." Before he could explain further Aster was staring down a dream-sand shiv pointed at his nose, and one infuriated Sandman silently demanding to know who had done this to Pitch.

"Well, really Sanderson, I don't know." The Boogeyman casually answered. "If I did I wouldn't be asking the, ah, Easter Bunny to help me work out where I had contracted this pregnancy from. Though now I suppose it's more of a dual pregnancy. Dual..." His mellow gaze drifted back to the wintery teen. "Did you ever have to duel during your Royal Engagement, Jack?"

The icy spirit felt part of his brain short-circuit. "I've Never Been NEAR The Queen! She sent representatives to the colonies."

"Oh don't sell yourself short, Jack, you could be a lovely queen," came the complimentary pleasant reply.

"As I said before, he's pregnant so nothing he says or does is gonna make any sense." Aster spoke up before anyone could think too hard about what the Boogeyman had uttered. "And put that down Sandy, he's pregnant with himself."

The shooting star retracted the shiv slightly but everyone else looked on in a mixture of confusion and expectation. Clearly there was more to what the rabbit had to say and they waited, some of them very impatiently, for him to get up and get on with explaining it.

"I don't know how!" The bringer of New Life shot back with a personally irritated and offended huff. "He's probably just evolving into a new form. The new him is the one with a baby--", the shiv was back in his face, "--but I don't think there's another parent." The shiv wavered just enough for Aster to bend down and take another sniff and simultaneously push Sandy out of his personal space. "Yes, defiantly no other parent." He looked up at the other Guardians with a serious expression. "If I had to guess, I'd say his future unborn self knocked him up."

"Bunny--" North attempted to walk over to him only to find Tooth and Sandy were blocking his way. "Maybe you are right and we are all needing to sit down," he thoughtfully mused.

"Hot chocolate might help." Pitch offered. "I've heard it, ah, can perk someone right up, hot chocolate. Makes everyone feel better after drinking it. Can't really be too unhappy when drinking hot chocolate. With marshmallows. The mini ones."

"Pitch," the fairy queen worriedly called over to the fear spirit, "do you want some hot chocolate?"

"Oh! Yes, that would be very nice. How ever did you know what I was craving?"

" _That's_ what you focus on?!" Jack shouted incredulously. "He's pregnant with _himself_ , who is also pregnant, and everyone is treating this as normal?!"

The Tooth Fairy shrugged while North called for some hot chocolate to be delivered. "Maybe it's a little odd, but that's no reason to be discourteous."

"A Little ODD!?"

"Well, Jack," the toy maker cut in, "spirits are changing all the time. Many spirits are changing their faces over the years. Pitch, you have done this before, yes?"

"Indeed, though this is the first time I've given birth to my new self." He was serene as ever as he mulled over his situation and past experiences. "North you, ah, still have those photos of me I know you took when I first visited here?"

The ex-bandit obliged him by pulling out the photos in question. Why he had them on his person, readily available to be shown upon request, would be a question for another day.

"So you used to wear poofy robes and gold bling?" Jack hazarded. "And walked with an old man stick?"

"Oh, no, that stick wasn't for walking. It was for, ah, 'smacking bitches' I think is what the kids say now." The Boogeyman clarified with a pleasant chuckle and a playfully dramatic slow wave of dismissal. "You can ask Sandy what some of my other forms looked like. We've known each other for a very long time you know."

Toothiana pulled the confused young Guardian close to offer him comfort. "It's alright, really. You've even changed your form at least once, Jack, you just don't remember it."

"What?" The icy teen deadpanned.

"Don't worry," she reassuringly patted his back, "I'm sure you can find the movie on the internet."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah, that's why he's so mellow," Bunnymund stated dryly to whomever decided to pay attention. "He's more or less drugged himself into total acceptance of everything. He has so many happy making erm.... 'hormones' inside of him that I don't think we could make him feel anything else if we tried."

"That's, ah, rather convenient then. I'll be able to look over those papers without any other... emotions clouding my rational."

"Papers?" Both North and Sandy asked at the same time.

"Yes, I'd... like to formally ally myself with the Guardians. Since you'll be taking care of me during my time of need. We might as well set a few ground rules, after all."

Aster wrinkled his nose in disagreement, "I think ya should wait on signing anything until after giving birth."

"But I can still look them over. I'm sure you have a copy of them for just that purpose, yes Nicholas?" Pitch looked around the room with a candid but ever expecting smile of genuine sincerity. "Also, do we have any ETA on that hot chocolate? I've been waiting for two days."

"No you haven't!" If this kept up Jack was going to tear out all of his frosty white hair.

"Yes I believe I have. I just wasn't waiting for it here."

"Jack, just stop trying to make sense of him. You will hurt yourself or worse." The spring spirit cautioned.

"I agree, you don't need to make any more sense of this than you need to seek absolution from your victims. I'm sure you were a very nice hitman. For a Neo-Nazi."

"So how would he have made self pregnant?" North spoke up quickly and loudly hoping to jar Jack into inaction long enough that the young spirit would let the comment go without retort or demand of explanations.

"Don't rightly know, but it must be an ability of his." Aster hovered his paws all along the length of the dark spirit's body. "I just know for sure the 'who' and the 'what'. 'How' this is possible is anyone's guess."

"Do you think it might have something to do with my attempts to end myself?" Pitch helpfully suggested again in a puzzled but honestly inquisitive monotone.

That simple statement caused the whole room to drop into absolute silence.

Tooth recovered first, but only insomuch as to be able to utter a horrified "What?"

"Oh, yes, that whole World Domination through Fear business." Pitch matter of fact-ly stated while absentmindedly smoothing his robe. "Why would I have attacked you if I thought I had any chance of winning?"

"But you almost did win," Jack warily replied.

"Yes but if I had won then I still would have died, in the end, eventually. It just would have taken longer. I might even have been the last to go. The Guardians would have been vanquished and then the humans would have, slowly, died off without new life and a few other things. Spirits not based on belief, such as yourself, would have lasted a little longer until there were no humans left or other sources of food or sustenance. Eventually though all the food stuffs would have been exhausted and then everything would eventually starve. I probably would be around to feed on the fear of the last surviving thing but in the end I would have succumbed too. So, really, win or lose both outcomes were different means to the same end. My own end, at last."

In the stunned silence that followed the Guardians all exchanged concerned looks. That was a horrible plan! Was Pitch _that_ upset about losing his former power that he would destroy the world just to put himself out of his misery? He had been fighting so hard to win, he had _come so close_ to winning! If he had wanted the easy way out he could have just thrown the fight at the last second and let the Guardians overrun him...

Only, they would have noticed wouldn't they? They would have wondered why he suddenly stayed his hand while he had the advantage. If he hadn't given it his all to begin with? They wouldn't have taken him seriously and never used the force necessary to possibly destroy him.

It was North who finally shook himself out of shock and addressed Pitch keeping his words steady but unable to hide the worry in them. "Pitch, why would you want this?"

"Why wouldn't I?" The dark spirit looked at each of them searchingly, honestly looking through them for some long sought answer he had been seeking. "I'm unloved by the masses and living alone with my own Nightmares as company." There was no waver in his monotone voice nor inflection beyond calm. "What else is there for me?"

Sandy pulled an agonized face that almost screamed his desire to rectify that. The Boogeyman was always welcome to his company. Stars he wanted to _give_ Pitch his company, in the bed, out of the bed, all around the lair and throughout the world for all time and beyond! 

Others in the area, however, sorely wished for some kind of distraction to change the current topic of conversation since there was nothing they could say in response.

Thankfully the Boogeyman himself rectified that. "So, that Hot Chocolate? With the mini-marshmallows. How is that doing?"

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 1; Time: 15:01 hours NPST

 

"Why Germany, Jack, really, _why_ Germany?" Pitch was staring deeply into his eyes as if he could find the answers to the Universe there.

"I bring snow everywhere?" The icy teen helplessly answered.

The Boogeyman paused with his mug of hot chocolate just poised before his lips. "That's all well and good and admirable." Instead of saying more, which beings usually did after saying something like that, the fear spirit continued to stare at the young sprite as if it was his turn to pick up the conversation.

One of the mini-teeth chittered something to Toothiana, which made the fairy queen frown. "Sandy, why do you have that shiv out again? You usually don't use puncturing weapons. I know the first time was more for dramatic effect--" the feathered warrior had to pull back slightly as the dreamweaver fixed the weapon on her. "There's no reason to take your anger out on me."

"I think, maybe, it's more frustration than anger, truth be told." Pitch interjected as Bunny continued to monitor his vitals. "He clearly wants to talk about something, but not in front of me. Maybe you should go talk with him, out in the hall. It's not healthy to keep things bottled up like that. I know he's shaking his head frantically, but it really would benefit you all. Talking more, that is. Communication is the basis of any healthy relationship."

"Never thought I'd live to see the day that the Nightmare King would give sound life advice." Aster muttered from the far side of the bed before turning to the others. "All of you should probably go suss out what's wrong with the Sandman and a few of the other loose ends we're staring at. I have to stay put to keep things going smoothly here."

"Very well. Come Sandy," North dropped one of his large warm hands down onto the Sandman's shoulder only for the shiv to be pointed at him, "yes yes, is very cute."

The dreamweaver just tilted his head to the side in confusion as if asking the Cossack what he was talking about. His weapon wasn't meant to be 'cute' it was meant to be a deadly instrument of pain and retribution. Hardly 'cute' at all really, even if there were seashells on it those were more for his grip than anything else. He looked up about to sign as much to the jolly man only to see that they had somehow gotten out into the hallway while he was distracted.

Sandy was instantly up in arms and ranting about the whole ordeal.

"Calm down," Toothiana flew a bit higher before the dreamweaver could aim his sands at her. "Look, extra pregnant or not Pitch is right about us needing to talk. You've been aggressive and on edge since we found out what happened."

"Yeah," Jack was quick to agree, "you're all for me opening up about my problems and coming to you guys if I need to talk. Why not do the same for each other?"

"Really, Sandy, are here to help." North smiled warmly at him. "What is being the matter?"

The shooting star finally cracked and quite clearly spelled it out for them above his head in glowing words. _'I Wanted To Be The One Getting Pitch Pregnant!'_

"Ohhhhh," came the general consensus from the three other Guardians. The dreamweaver realized that he had managed to make his thoughts all too clear and proceeded to burry his face in his hands because, no, no, this was not what he had wanted to tell them or even how. Stars he was usually so much better than this, it had to have been stress.

"We... were not needing to know that." The toy maker almost regretted asking now.

Toothiana blinked several times as a few facts slotted themselves into place. "Sandy? Is that why... you were fighting Pitch with _whips_?" The fallen wishing star peeked out from between his fingers, blush coloring his face, and nodded. "Ah, then, wow, is that why humans have _those_ kinds of dreams?" The little star blushed even deeper and held up a hand with his thumb and index finger held not even and inch apart.

Jack just covered his eyes because he really didn't need any more weird for the day. "TMI. Just, shit there was other stuff Bunny said we need to talk about but we're avoiding. Can we please talk about that?" He honestly couldn't care less what it was as long as it wasn't as awkward as all this.

"Well," the fairy queen sighed, "we can't let Pitch wander around as he is. Normally he can take care of himself and stay out of trouble, but he's a walking disaster like this."

"But wouldn't it be a good thing if Pitch wasn't around anymo--" the dream-sand shiv suddenly pointed at the teen's groin just dared him to continue that thought.

Toothiana shook her head not sure which of them she should feel sorry for. "It's complicated but the short answer is 'no'. But back to the problem at hand.... As calm as he is we haven't seen how humans respond when he's near. He might walk into a department store to get clothes for his future self's baby and end up causing widespread panic that could end in the collapse of the local economy."

"Then we will be needing to watch him?" North hedged. "He is already here and there are many yeti to keep an eye on him."

"That might be best, for now." The tooth fairy frowned. "I'm not sure if we could even move him, but that also puts an unfair amount of the burden to watch him on you."

The toy make waved the concern off. "Is fine. I have facilities and yeti enough to help. We are being nowhere near Christmas. And when it is crunch time? Can call on all of you to help, yes? Just like when we collected teeth or helped paint eggs." To him it was that simple a fix as only he and Bunnymund had specific holidays they needed to worry about. While Toothiana, Sandy, and Jack worked year round (if not constantly) they could just take shifts and help out during those hectic times until a better solution could be found or Pitch gave birth to himself. Hopefully that birth would set everything right, otherwise they would have to wait for the future Pitch to give birth to his child and there was no telling when that would happen.

"So, let me just recap to see if I have this right," Jack rubbed his forehead as he reconstructed everything he'd just heard. "Pitch is going to stay here, at the pole, and all of us are going to take turns watching him until he's not crazy-super-pregnant anymore and at the same time we're still going to be running around doing Guardian business and fighting off the rogue Nightmares still on the loose? Is that seriously what is happening right now?" 

"More or less." The warrior queen confirmed with a tone of finality that she hoped would make Jack understand that doing this for Pitch was unavoidably necessary.

Sandy had tucked away his shiv but raised his hand to make a point. While there had been some Nightmares around for a while after Pitch's defeat he hadn't seen or sensed any in the world lately. He wasn't sure what had happened to them but it was one less thing to worry about at least and made all of their lives a tiny bit easier.

"That is good to hear. Maybe we can ask Pitch if he is knowing what happened to them. After." North was quick to amend on his way back into the Medical Wing.

Pitch casually smiled as they all reentered the area, Bunnymund still muttering over him. "I trust everything has been, ah, worked out?" The creepy monotone was present as ever. "Sanderson seems much more relaxed, at least I think he is. He isn't waving that shiv around in frustration anymore. Violence is never the answer so I admit that is an improvement. Really is." He sighed happily as if he were about to chuckle but couldn't quite manage it. "Oh, and, if it wouldn't be too much of a bother I could use some more hot chocolate." He held up his empty mug. "This one seems to have, ah, evaporated."

"It didn't evaporate, you drank it." The pooka's whiskers twitched in irritation.

"No, no, I'm... sure it evaporated." Pitch looked into his mug. "Why else would I ask for more if I had already had some? Clearly it evaporated and I'm in need of more."

Watching the chaos unfold before her Toothiana briefly wondered, during those milliseconds when she divided herself to birth a new mini-tooth, if she experienced anything like what Pitch was currently going though or if her thought processes were likewise affected, and if so then perhaps that was why she couldn't divide herself many times in rapid succession without feeling slightly woozy.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 1; Time: 20:48 hours NPST

 

"Is that hot chocolate?"

"No Pitch," Bunnymund handed the tranquil spirit a new mug as he took the empty one away, "this is tea. It's to help you sleep."

"Ah, but I don't actually sleep." It was the truth, he was good at keeping people awake and staying awake himself. There was enough fear in the world to keep him running without rest for centuries on end. He _had_ been running on centuries without rest already.

"Yes, well," the spring spirit floundered for a reason to get him to drink, "you might not sleep but _you_ need to sleep." He hoped Pitch had at least some paternal instincts regarding his future self's well being.

The Boogeyman seemed to consider that as he gazed down into the steaming mug sitting in his hands. "Mmm, that is a rather good point. I suppose I do need all the sleep I can get to grow into the role I'll leave behind." He chuckled lightly. "My future self will have some big shoes to fill, after all." With that he took a delicate sip to test the flavor before indulging in a larger gulp. "Oh, yes that's quite good. I do believe I've already fallen asleep. This is rather nice, very remarkable really. Thank you Bunnymund." He took another delighted sip. "Mmm, yes, I'm truly asleep now. Couldn't wake me for anything. Lovely tea this, will have to ask you for the recipe tomorrow once I wake up. Oh," he looked over at his pookan nurse, "where are my manners? Goodnight Bunnymund."

"Goodnight Pitch," Aster didn't even try to use logic as he went back to monitoring Pitch's vitals. That drink should have knocked the Nightmare king flat on his arse. As long as he was quiet and behaved himself and didn't get in Aster's way then it was all fine, in theory ayway.

"Mmm," Pitch turned to regard the other occupants of the room, "Goodnight, Santoff Claussen, goodnight." The other Guardians mumbled goodnights of their own as did the yetis and few elves present. "Now get out."

Everyone other than Bunnymund, inside the section of the medical wing closed off for the new resident guest, did a double-take at that.

"No really, it's weird." He took another sip of tea. "I'm fine with the bunny, but I really don't appreciate the rest of you watching me while I sleep. If you have something you want to say you can tell me in the morning after I wake up."

The elves found that this made perfect sense and started to leave. The yetis looked to North who in turn looked to the Easter spirit for advice. The weary pooka just waved them all away. The guards could stand watch outside of the room just as well as inside it. In just a few moments everyone other than Pitch and Aster were ushered out of the area leaving them alone with their respective thoughts.

"You know, it's not that healthy for me to sleep with the lights on." Pitch absently commented before taking another sip of tea. "It could de-calibrate my sensitive internal clock."

"You've lived through worse." He wasn't about to turn off all the lights while babysitting something that could walk through shadows.

"Well yes, I have but _I_ haven't. At least not yet. Maybe I will, someday, in the future, when I'm no longer around. Mmm." Pitch leaned back further into the bed as he mulled the concept over. "Bit troublesome that, me not being around to give myself any advice."

The exasperated bringer of hope went to switch off the lights nearest the occupied bed in hopes it would at least get the other spirit to shut up. "That's why humans write books and diaries and journals. Best options they've got to pass their wisdom on outside of word of mouth."

"Mmm, that is a thought, yes." Pitch took one last sip of his tea and placed it on the nightstand by his borrowed bed. He was dead asleep before Aster returned to his side.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 3; Time: 09:34 hours NPST

 

"I require... a writing implement."

"A wot?" Aster looked up from Pitch's vital signs.

The Boogeyman was sitting up in his bed with a mug of hot chocolate in one hand and the other hand raised to point upward in conjunction with his epiphany. "A writing implement, a tool used for writing." He clarified evenly, still speaking in the same monotone he'd been using for the past few days.

"Why do'ya need one ah those?" The wary pooka had a sinking feeling he was going to regret this sooner rather than later.

The Boogeyman leaned forward and pulled his legs up to rest his forearms on his knees, while still facing the Guardian of Hope. "Well, usually, one uses a writing implement to write with. I mean, I don't really fancy myself a plumber so my best use for a writing implement is to write with it."

"Right," the spring spirit sighed before he set about getting the other spirit something to write with.

"Oh, and I'll need a implement to write on." Pitch called after him. "Just a few pages would suffice, if they were bound that would be nice. It doesn't need to be excessive." He slowly lifted the mug for his hot chocolate towards his face. "Maybe something the size of a journal, nothing too outrageous."

Bunnymund sighed in exasperation, but looked around for a smaller book for the fear spirit to write in as well. Maybe if Pitch was appropriately distracted he might have been able to get some work done.

"And I'll need some hot chocolate too, this one has evaporated."

The poor Guardian ground his teeth down against the rising scream building in the back of his throat but called over a yeti all the same.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 3; Time: 13:32 hours NPST

 

"You know, just because it didn't work out between Celeste and Jesse doesn't mean all love is doomed to failure." Pitch tested the tip of the pen against the paper without looking up to see if his intended audience was still listening or not.

Jack just gave the other a bewildered look. "I never really thought it was?"

"Indeed." Satisfied that the ink was taking well to the paper he waved the icy boy's disinterest away. "Aphrodite will be happy to hear you appreciate her work, if not Cupid's."

"Never really had a reason to hang out with him." The frosty teen slumped further down into the chair in the medical wing finding there was nothing to really distract him from what wasn't happening in the area.

"No," Pitch made a single clear and decisive stroke with the pen, "not in this timeline."

The winter sprit almost dropped his staff. "Huh?"

"Just ignore him, Jack," Aster warned for the nth time, "he's very pregnant and not going to make any sense."

"I know that." The teen bit back.

The pooka looked over at him with a frown. "Then why do you take the bait?"

"What else am I going to do while I'm here?" There was plenty to do in the workshop proper, lots of rooms and places to explore. Here in the medical ward? Not so much. If Pitch hadn't been crazy before then boredom probably would have driven him over the edge by now. "And why am I here?"

"You tell me. Did North send you here to look in on me?" Bunny had already moved on to hovering his paws over Pitch's belly for today's checkup.

There was a moment of hesitation as the frost bringer thought about his next choice of words. In the end he settled on a safe and noncommittal answer of, "Maybe."

"Right," the large hare snorted back. "I really believe you."

"I really believe me too." The young Guardian smirked before pushing himself forward in the chair. "Isn't it nice to agree on something for a change?"

"I thought we all agreed on how tasty hot chocolate was. Speaking of which," Pitch held up his empty mug while continuing to stare intently at his writing, "this one has evaporated. I think the mug itself may be defective."

"For the love of," Bunnymund looked around for the nearest guard only to find that one of the yetis was already approaching them. "You know, maybe you should do an experiment and _watch_ the next mug to see how long it takes to 'evaporate'."

"That might not be an entirely bad idea." It would give him something to write about and properly test the quality of the ink and paper.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 3; Time: 14:50 hours NPST

 

"Sanderson, I have--well you might fine this a bit personal and I'm so very sorry-- but I have a question; how do you go to the bathroom? I control a small portion of sand, but you're made entirely of sand. Is it like a wet spot that you just scoop out like, oh like shall we say, kitty litter? You eat all those pastries and drink all that eggnog I'm surprised you're not bigger. I mean really where does it all go Sanderson, _where_ does it _go_?"

The dreamweaver just looked askance at the fear spirit. That really was personal and he wasn't about to explain how he just burned everything off as he was still a star. It wasn't like anyone needed to know or understand that about him.

"I only ask because I seem to have developed a bladder." Pitch calmly elaborated as he took down some notes. "Well not me per se. My future self seems to have developed one and I was just wondering how they worked and how you got around with one of them."

Sandy's face was a mask of confusion, displeasure, affront, bewilderment and a few other emotions all mixed into one. His sands spiraled out to sign, _Why are you asking me_? They didn't have similar enough physiology to be compared. It was horrible, Pitch was asking him for help on a subject that he wasn't willing to elaborate on. Why couldn't he have been interested in the theory and practices behind dream weaving itself? He worked with nightmares so he had to be at least passingly familiar with dream logic.

"Oh, well, while I myself currently only control a small amount of sand I believe my future self will be more throughly comprised of it." Pitch smiled pleasantly. "My future self seems to have adapted and integrated the nightmare-sand into his being, rather than continuing to use it as a borrowed power. So," he lifted up his pad and pen, "I was wondering if bathrooms would be something I'd need to concern myself with. In the future. If there was anything I should take note of to pass along."

The fallen star twitched in consternation from the juxtaposition of the absurd nature of the question with the knowledge that Future Pitch was apparently going to be a fellow dreamweaver such as himself. Theoretically. Unless this was just more crazy pregnancy hormones talking through the pregnancy about the other pregnancy that both Pitches were pregnant with. Or maybe it was both pregnancies creating an endless feedback of crazy hormones and he only thought he was going to be made of sand in the future. Then again if he was made of nightmare-sand in the future that meant this version of Pitch had to have worked out a way to self generate his own sand without corrupting Sandy's sand at some point before then, which could still be in the Guardian's collective future, but if it wasn't then it was just crazy pregnancy hormones and anything Sandy told him could help him create or manifest his own sands, and then he'd be pregnant with sand and, just, how did that work? How had he even gotten pregnant with himself with or without sand?! Had sand gotten him pregnant? Did that mean he could be impregnated too? Did he even _want_ that?

Sandy silently frowned and threw his hands up in defeat. He didn't need this headache, he'd go back to courting Pitch when he was workably lucid and hormone free again. With that he stomped out of the area to preserve what was left of his own sanity.

Watching the dreamweaver's retreating back Pitch could only shake his head. "Well that wasn't really called for. Bit of ah, of an overreaction really." He made another deliberate stroke with his pen. "Clearly this is a touchy subject for him."

Off to the side Aster was just glad he wasn't the one getting the full force of the inanity this time as he wrote more new vitals and observations down in Pitch's medical log.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 3; Time: 16:53 hours NPST

 

"Perhaps you should think about getting these... mugs inspected." Pitch carefully turned the one he was using this way and that as North looked on.

North's eyebrows rose up to meet his hairline. "What is making you say this?" Defective mugs? What had happened? Had the Boogeyman cut his lip on a rough edge? Did any of them have cracks or splinters? Was one of them unpainted?

From the way the pooka sighed and shook his head he should have guessed it was nothing so simple. "They seem incapable of retaining liquid or preventing it from being absorbed into the atmosphere. I suspected that with the central heating of Santoff Claussen the workshop's climate was more of a _dry_ heat." Pitch could only frown even as he remained unfailingly civil and just shy of pleasantly sweet and innocent about the whole ordeal. "A true waste of perfectly good cocoa."

"Am thinking mug is not problem here." There was an almost steady supply of hot chocolate flowing to the medical wing, the toy maker was even considering the idea of installing a machine to dispense some at this rate, and it certainly wasn't because of defective mugs or 'evaporation'.

"No no, it has to be the mugs. I've even done tests." He casually flipped through his 'notes'. "I watched as my hot chocolate evaporated over the course of an hour."

"You haven't even been left alone that long!" Bunny cried.

"More to my point that I have witnesses." It never hurt to have an overabundance of evidence in these cases.

"You _drank_ it." Aster was going to throttle the fear spirit before he could carry either pregnancy to term. 

Pitch looked down the bridge of his nose at the Guardian of Hope. "That is a slanderous accusation. I've done no such thing. What kind of spirit do you take me for?"

"I watched you!"

Pitch sat forward, "Did you?" and fixed Aster with a soul-searching gaze, "did you really? Or are you building assumptions based on contextual clues by making deductions falsely supported on a linear thought pattern of what the most logical outcome of those amassed clues happens to be at the time? Consider, for a moment, you've been monitoring my vital signs this whole time. I hardly think you've had a second to spare to watch me do something so mundane. Besides, I would _know_ if I had drunk anything, now wouldn't I? I couldn't even begin to describe the silky milky texture and subtle darker notes even if I tried."

Before either of them noticed and attempted to drag him into the argument, North started to silently slide his way towards the door. He'd send a few elves over to look at the mugs in question and a yeti to keep them from breaking the ceramics. Maybe he'd even send over a fresh drink for both spirits to sooth some of the tension in the room as he slipped out into the safety of the hall.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 3; Time: 20:46 hours NPST

 

"Thank you, Sanderson, but I am well and capable of sleeping on my own. I also have the sneaking suspicion you would take advantage of my currently unconscious state, if not for our furry friend." His hands were wrapped around another mug of tea brewed by said furry friend. "I must bid you all a goodnight and insist that you now leave my room."

Trundling out with the elves and yetis Sandy couldn't help but feel a bit miffed about the whole situation. He wasn't some animal, he knew how to control himself. Okay, maybe resorting to the shiv had been a bit excessive but the spirit he'd been pining after for the better part of Earth's lifetime was currently with child and he couldn't have a hand in it. That just drove him up one wall and down another as something inside started to come apart at the seams. He knew that wasn't normal for him and now that he was away from the fear spirit he was feeling his own emotions plateau and bottom out.

Maybe he really did need to talk to the others about this. If he could have he would have talked to Aster about his current emotional roller-coaster ride, but the bunny wasn't about to leave Pitch's side and considering Pitch himself was the problem that left that avenue unavailable to him. North was another good choice to talk to, but he could sometimes miss the more subtle concerns he had to share. Toothiana was levelheaded and if not for being so easily distracted he would have had no reservations in confiding in her. Jack was just so... _young_. He would have a fresh outlook to offer but he could provide anything else?

Shades take it, he would just talk to all of them and hope through some kind of crossover-overlap they could all help him sort our his feelings. First stop would be North.

Unsurprisingly he found the toy maker in his office. Sandy knocked before entering and waited for the large spirit to call for him to enter. Within he found the other detailing new prototypes of new toys for the next season.

"Sandy? What is matter?" North indicated that the dreamweaver should sit.

Taking the offered chair Sandy sighed and let his symbols start to spin and form into a basic telling of his woes. He'd know Pitch before he was Pitch, back when he was a hero and champion by the name of Kozmotis Pitchiner. They had never met in person, but Sandy had developed a crush on the Golden General all the same. He had been devastated with the rest of the Empire, the Universe, to hear Kozmotis had become Pitch Black but that was neither here nor there. What was important was that he had always liked Pitch Black, still liked him now, had been flirting with him on and off throughout the centuries. Now here Pitch was pregnant with himself--who might also be a dreamweaver and did Sandy mention how he was the last dreamweaver on Earth?--plus a child and any time Sandy was in the same room with him the golden dreamweaver suddenly gave into his darker thoughts and feelings which included wanting to violently chase off anyone endangering his possible happy life with Pitch as well as trying to ingratiate himself into a happy life with Pitch to begin with. Sandy knew that he wasn't in his right mind when acting the way he did or even for wanting some of the things he wanted, but he just couldn't help himself.

"Maybe it is not just yourself." At the golden Guardian's questioning look North continued. "Pitch is another spirit that works with dreams, yes? Even if it was not always so."

That was true enough, Sanderson conceded the point. But what was the point his jolly companion was trying to make?

"Is like with humans or reindeer. When female is with baby then male act differently around them. Some become very protective of potential family. Is little different in your case in wanting to be part of the family and having to earn way in."

Sandy shook his head no and huffed in frustration. That explained a few things but not why he was being so _unlike himself_.

"Pitch is being unlike himself too, no?" There was a knowing twinkle in his eyes. "You are maybe more similar than before, now that you both wield dreams. But you make the good dreams and he makes the bad ones, is like being balance for each other. So, maybe, being near him you get infected in the emotions like Pitch is, and it makes you act like this. Like how he turned your gold sand into black sand, maybe is same thing but in your heads?"

That, surprisingly, almost made sense. The fallen wishing star considered it for a long moment. Could he be affected by whatever hormones were flooding through Pitch's system? Who could he even go see to check that out? Aster made the most sense but there was no way he could pull him from Pitch's side! He wouldn't leave the other unattended for even half a second let alone half a minute...

Unless the Nightmare King was left in the company of three out of the five Guardians along with all the yetis and elves North could spare.

A roguish smile started to stretch over the dreamweaver's lips. Maybe things weren't as bleak as he was making them out to be.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 4; Time: 05:29 hours NPST

 

"Thank you for asking my opinion, your concern for my happiness means the world to me, but I must remind you that I am currently asleep and as such my feelings on the matter are moot. I would only ask, were I able to speak, that you do keep the volume down to a low roar so that I don't awaken before the effects of the tea dissipate. I am actually enjoying this chance to sleep regularly." 

Aster sighed because it was far too early for all of this. "That's good to know, Pitch, but I won't be leaving you."

Sandy tugged on his paw pleadingly. He looked up with doleful eyes and a bit of a waver to his lip. He needed to know why he was acting the way he was.

"Because you have repressed jealousy and possessive tendencies that are coming to the surface now?" Rather than quietly accepting the quip as the truth the little star glared up at him and started to aggressively sign at him. If Aster wanted to be able to leave Pitch in peace with him in the room then Sandy _needed_ to know if he was affected by the other's condition. "Fine, just, fine!"

"You're really going to cave like that?" Jack called over from his seat between Toothiana and North.

"It'll take less time to agree than to fight it out." He wasn't even in the mental condition to try and out-logic Sandy. "Just two minutes. I'll take a look at you, a quick one, and then I'm coming right back in. While I'm gone," he rounded on the other Guardians and even included the present yetis and elves in his next statement, "all of you are responsible for watching over Pitch. If anything happens to him, his unborn self, or that self's baby you will _wish_ the Boogeyman had won." No one raised any objections nor did they question the sincerity of the suddenly vicious words of the extremely overprotective progenitor of new life. That dealt with Bunnymund and Sandy left the others to their temporary duty.

Once the doors swung closed all eyes in the room shifted to Pitch reclining passively on his bed.

The Nightmare King just smiled back at all of them like nothing in the world was wrong. "Well since you're all busy watching me sleep and I'd rather you didn't spend the time undressing me with your eyes I feel I should give you something else to think about. The Leprechaun, discuss your feelings for him amongst yourselves."

Everyone else present remained quiet at that, utterly confused by the choice of topic. Most there had no feelings about him one way or the other, he was just another spirit like any of them. What were they even supposed to say? If the dark spirit liked him were they supposed to agree? Would he argue with them or try to fight them if they didn't see things his way? Was there even a wrong answer to give and the discussion was just to see how their minds worked?

Pitch hummed thoughtfully at the bewildered looks from the others. Clearly no one was going to speak up if left to their own devices, most likely they were just trying to be polite about their feelings. While it was very considerate of them to worry about offending him they really didn't need to bother. He was, after all, a grown _Boogey_ man. "Very well, I'll start us off. Personally I don't like him. I feel someone should beat the little green shit until he's a respectable member of society again." Even as he spoke his voice remained stuck in the same neutral calm that it had been in since Jack had found him.

There was another pause before Toothiana broke the silence with a very gently prompting query. "Ah, what do you mean by that? Why do you feel that way?"

"Because," he absently reached for his empty tea mug, "he's a horrible influence and little better than a waste of life. Really he needs to be in a position of less power."

North started to rub one of his temples to ward off any oncoming headaches. "But he is not having power."

"Oh, you would think that. No, his holiday is too widespread for that. Not even a real holiday. Not even his holiday but everyone associates him with it and he's not done anything to correct that misconception. He doesn't do anything to correct any of the misconceptions surrounding that day, when you think about it."

"What misconceptions?" Jack broke in, "St. Patrick's day is pretty much just an excuse for everyone to drink themselves stupid."

"And that, dear boy, is my point." Pitch chuckled. "Clever lad, you see the hypocrisy for what it is. A day honoring a saint steeped in greed, excess, and sin. Whatever the day was originally about has been lost to the masses under a tide of green beer. Really as Guardians of Childhood you are all well within your rights to put a stop to him."

"What?" Toothiana's head-crest flared out as the others exchanged worried looks. "Isn't that just a bit too much?"

"I don't think so, no. He's a... _resilient_ little bastard, really. It's why he can drink so much. With his popularity it probably would take all of you to put a dent in him."

"But he's just, he is just--"

"A horrible little vile creature, I agree entirely. Have you seen the movies they've made of him? Completely inaccurate but _that_ Leprechaun is better than _the_ Leprechaun. At least that one only killed a few handfuls of mortals, rather than generations of brain cells at a time. Generations of children lost. Children that you were all supposed to protect but who were instead ignored, overlooked, unnoticed. Maybe it didn't go on for three hundred years but it was long enough to do damage."

Jack pulled his hood up and curled into himself on the chair, his staff rested in the bend of his elbow.

As if Pitch hadn't done enough damage he continued to rant on, "I mean seriously, the Greek and Roman pantheon forbid alcohol. They call it ambrosia, but they don't want mortals to drink. Only Dionysus drinks, once a year at his party. The Leprechaun's the only spirit to promote underage drinking. Really, that's just irresponsible. He deserves to be punched in every one of his livers. All of his livers!"

"Maybe we are all needing to relax." North tried to placate the Boogeyman while the Tooth Fairy did her best to sooth Jack's feelings.

"That sounds like a capital idea Nicholas. You should all go out, find the Leprechaun and beat him. It should be very therapeutic for all of you. Help you to work out some of that negative energy." When no one made a move to leave he just frowned. "Why aren't you going? I mean, clearly Jack is in a lot of pain and he really needs to externalize that. Go on, go find and beat the Leprechaun. I'll just be here, sleeping." Again none of the others made an effort to move, other than to offer some support to Jack since that made far more sense than anything Pitch was currently saying. The dark spirit didn't exactly see it that way. "I'm very touched that you're putting my comfort and well-being above the welfare and personal safety of countless victimized children. That's so very touching."

At that moment the doors to the infirmary swung open and whatever reactions would have been forthcoming were lost to the ether. Between the opened doors stood one disgruntled and all around unhappy looking Bunnymund. "Pitch? Could I please lay down?"

"Oh, where exactly?"

"In the bed with you." He started to shuffle closer with his ears drawn back just enough that it made him seem much more friendly from Pitch's point of view, and extremely hostile to everyone else, knowing that if the other said no he'd just have to push over one of the vacant beds.

"Why, exactly, do you need to do that?"

"To help the pregnancy," came the vague response.

"Oh," Pitch gave a chipper smile, "by all means then, yes. Anything to give my future self and our baby the best odds."

With permission granted Aster climbed up onto the bed, curled himself bodily around the Boogeyman's swollen belly, looked at the other Guardians without clearly processing all that he was seeing and muttered, "Sandy's out in the hall if any of ya want to talk to him. Might be for the best if at least one of ya does," before the weary pooka let his head flop down against Pitch's chest and closed his eyes to the world.

The three Guardians looked at each other not entirely sure if they wanted to know or not. Maybe it was something simple but with the stress of looking after Pitch even simple things seemed that much more intense. They also considered that with Bunnymund asleep there were only the yetis looking after the Boogeyman at the moment. Granted they had just been watching him for a few minutes themselves and nothing had happened, so maybe it would be okay.

For his own part Jack just needed to get out of that area and focus on something that wasn't him or a reminder of things and maybe Sandy needed help or something he could block his thoughts with. Toothiana was worried about all of her friends but with Bunny sleeping she could only ask Sandy what had happened. North made doubly sure that the yetis and elves would be ever watchful before following the other two out into the hall. He knew he would be back to check in on his 'unconscious' guests until Bunny woke up, even if no one else was going to.

Out in the hall they found the golden dreamweaver slumped and hunched over on the floor, his dream-sand shiv laying by his open hand. His back was mostly to the wall and he was staring forward with a semi-vacant expression.

"Sandy?" Jack called out as Toothiana quickly fluttered over and North let out a little gasp. "What's wrong bro?"

The small wishing star looked up, tracks of darker sand painted on his face stemming from his eyes. His sands twisted into a few symbols that mostly made sense. He was half of a yin and yang symbol, he was defending a brood, he was flipping tables and punching cakes for lying to him. He was, according to Bunny, having sympathy crazy.

"Wait," Toothiana frowned at the thought, "but isn't sympathy... _crazy_ something only husbands go through when their wives are pregnant?"

Indeed that was the case. But he was a star, and Pitch had been a star making them very nearly the same species. More than that Pitch was becoming sand, or more sand--he was becoming something that was just about the same species if not the exact same species as him. So... sympathy crazy was happening.

North, owing to the talk he'd had with the dreamweaver before, was the first to put things together. "So it _is_ like reindeer!"

Sandy just put his head in his hands and nodded.

"You know what you must do," the toy maker continued in an abruptly serious tone, to the slight confusion of the other Guardians. When the other failed to respond he clarified to Sandy, "You must defend hot chocolate."

The shooting star considered it for a moment before nodding slowly. The hot chocolate would give him something to focus his crazy on and give him a reason to be in the room with Pitch. Sandy desperately hoped the Guardians and other resident beings would understand his overprotectiveness in regards the the Nightmare King and his beverages, because once he was back in that room with Pitch his logic would be temporarily impaired if not switched off completely and he really didn't want to shank anyone.

The door to the infirmary slammed open. Turning as one the gathered Guardians were treated to the sight of their other compatriot glaring somewhat murderously at the fallen star as one long ear twitched spasmodically and angry bunny nails dug deeply into the wood of the doors. "You... were hoping... really loudly, mate."

Sandy blushed and ducked his head with an apology before he quickly picked up his weapon and floated back into the other room. Bunny looked back at the others still in the hallway and pointed at them each and all in turn with one threatening claw. "No trouble... from any ah ya... or yer banned." With that he turned on his fuzzy heels and stomped back to his post and the warm spot he had finally permitted himself to sleep in.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 4; Time: 12:58 hours NPST

 

"I think I might know myself too well, all things considered. I know some people wonder if they will ever _really_ know themselves, and they go backpacking through the world to find out who they are when a trip down to a local haunted house would have told them the same thing. But I'm sure I know myself far too well." Pitch was sitting up, marking down things in his notepad again. Sandy hovered by his one side readily listening to anything he had to say while occasionally rubbing his shoulders. Now that there was someone there other than Bunnymund to watch him, the fear spirit was getting gradually more and more talkative.

Unfortunately he also expected input from others aside from Sandy as well. While Aster was glad for the help on some level it also made for a bit of a distraction when he had to meditate or focus on monitoring Pitch's vitals. "What makes you say that?" came his unhurried inquiry to push the conversation forward. 

"Because I know why my future self impregnated us." He reached up to adjust Sandy's hands before returning to his writings.

Bunny could almost feel the headache that would result from this but knew he'd need to ask eventually. Better to get it out of the way now, "And why is that?"

"Well, it was the only surefire way he had to stop my attempts of ending myself." The little dreamweaver's hands paused in their massaging, his sands already wanted to spill into several other suggestions of how he could have dealt with that.

Aster himself frowned because he was starting to rethink what kind of ache this was going to turn into. "I, ah, don't think I follow," he lied and prayed that he didn't hear anything about the Golden Age pass through those pale lips. He was good and happy with despising Pitch for who he wasn't anymore and the things he had done, he really didn't need or want his emotions or opinions about the man to get too complicated.

"That's fine. It took me a little bit to work out why he had even bothered myself." The Boogeyman chuckled as he made another notation in his notepad. "I'm actually quite the, ah, parent. My future self realized that if I had nothing to live for then I would continuously attempt to destroy myself. However depending on what way finally succeeded he might not ever have been born. So, he chose to manifest his evolution as my giving birth to him. However," he reached up to adjust Sandy's hands again, "he also knew how little I cared for myself. Just being pregnant with a future me wouldn't be enough to keep me from harming my present self, which could also injure him. So he's used some of his power and most of what's left of mine to, well, impregnate himself with our baby."

"Because you wouldn't risk the life of your, or his, unborn child." Bunny warily confirmed.

"Of our daughter, yes." He added offhandedly. Behind him Sandy froze and looked like he was about to either explode in joy or start irrationally crying.

The pooka felt his stomach drop. "Daughter," he managed to wheeze out in a strangled whisper.

"Yes." Pitch pursed his lips against the end of his pen while he seriously considered the marks on the top page of his notepad. "I'm not sure what to call her. As the daughter of fear she needs a fitting designation. Something that speaks to her future abilities." Flipping the pad so that he held it horizontally instead of vertically Pitch started to go over the marks he'd made with new strokes. "I do know that he will love and treasure her above all else, because I would love and treasure her above all else, possibly to the point of her being my sole reason to continue existing. Come to think of it she already is _my_ sole reason to continue existing. Clever, very clever his plan is."

"That's... yeah, that's clever." That had been a close call, but it looked like Bunny wouldn't be seeing any ghosts from the past in the coming days.

"I think, yes," Pitch made a decisive mark, "she will be Terror, and she will be utterly adorable." He smirked to himself before looking up for whatever reactions his decision warranted. 

Aster kept the plastic smile glued in place. "Terror? Adorable?"

"Of course, she'd be the... perfect trap, being so adorable, Terror would. No one would suspect a thing." As he repeated the name Pitch's right eye started to tic, almost as if there were some kind of irritant lodged in it. "Oh, it... would seem not all of me likes the idea. Well," he frowned but his voice remained calm and disarmingly congenial, "he's not here yet, and I say she will be Terror." At the sudden onset of more tics he reached out and gripped one of Aster's wrists. "You must be my witness. I'm of sounding mind and mostly my own body, so I leave in my living will that our daughter will be Terror. I don't know what else I'll put into the will but at the absolute least I want to fade knowing that my future self will be the father of Terror."

"Alright! Alright, making a note of it--We'll _both_ make a note of it." Anything was better than him rebirthing a dead star, if she was dead. Come to think of it the pooka hadn't looked at the Pitchiner constellation in a long, long, time and didn't know the current state of the stars forming it. He didn't want to think about that at the moment considering his plate was pretty full already with his current crop of crazy.

"Both of you?" Pitch was momentarily confused until he turned just enough to see a small golden hand on his shoulder. "Ah, yes, Sanderson. Had almost forgotten about you. Really, you need to learn how to... speak up." He chuckled lightly. 

Sandy, however, glowered while the image of a heart formed by two fists smashing together formed over his head. If he had been holding any of the mugs with Pitch's drinks in them they would have cracked in his hands, but instead he just ended up cracking some of the stiff joints in the Boogeyman's back. The fear spirit seemed to like that. "Ha ha, yes, I made a funny. I guess mastering humor is going onto the to-do list." With that he made another stroke on the page.

The golden Guardian snorted and pointed at Pitch then back at himself.

The Boogeyman just raised one questioning eyebrow. "You're putting my future self on _your_ to-do list?" His response was simple nod, to which he smiled. "Oh... I don't think I'm going to tell him that," he chuckled darkly.

Off to the side the Easter Bunny tried to go back to his self-appointed duties to help tune out the strange conversation of the illogical stars.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 4; Time: 17:57 hours NPST

 

"Did you know there are some people in the world who can't tell the difference between the Irish and the Scottish peoples? Wouldn't surprise me if that was his fault too. Promoting underaged drinking and ignorance. I don't think he even has a proper Irish name. No one ever refers to him as anything but 'the Leprechaun'. He could be from New Jersey and we'd never know. Not like Father Kelly. Good, strong name Kelly is. He was a very strong man, Jack, very strong indeed. Is that why you confessed to him?"

Pitch was giving the wintery teen one of his intense 'I am looking into your soul and expecting a real answer here' stares, again. All he had wanted to do was drop by and see how Sandy was holding it together but he should have realized that crazy wouldn't be able to fully appreciate that. Now he was stuck in a conversation where he had no real clue what half the things the dark spirit was talking about even meant.

Thankfully he was spared the need to answer when Toothiana poked her head into the medical wing. "Hey Tooth! Could I talk to your for a minute outside?" Rather than giving the flustered woman a chance to answer he simply took her by a hand and pulled her back out into the hallway. Once the doors were closed he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Um, Jack?" The Tooth Fairy leaned into his view. "Would you mind explaining what that was all about?"

The frost bringer smiled sheepishly. "Oh, sorry, I just had to get out of there. Being around Pitch after a while just kinda..."

"Sets your teeth on edge?"

"Yeah! But it's different from when we fought against him." His eyes trailed over to the doors leading back to the medical wing.

Toothiana hummed in understanding. "Remember what I mentioned the day you brought him in? About humans reacting to just being in his presence?"

"Kinda, yep." The wintery teen looked back at the feathered woman. "What about that?"

"Well it's a real thing." She started to pull him away from the double doors where they could be overheard. "Pitch has an aura, and since he's a fear spirit his aura and presence radiates fear. He's more or less immune to it, but others aren't. I imagine you're being affected by it. But since Pitch is pregnant..."

"His aura is having a different effect on all of us," Jack easily guessed, "including Sandy gong all shiv-happy?"

"Bingo."

"Awesome. Does this mean we could all go nuts before his pregnancies are over?" Because if that was the case then he was all for getting out of the workshop and staying far away until everyone was sane again.

"Maybe, maybe not." The fairy queen pulled away from the other Guardian to head back towards the infirmary. "Only time will tell."

"Oh," Jack spun around before she could fully leave, "Sandy's doing fine but he's kinda defensive about... everything. Just mind where you stand and don't look at any of the mugs."

"Thanks for the head's up." With that she was gone into the lion's den for her turn.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 6; Time: 13:45 hours NPST

 

"Do you have anything to take away the pain of knowing your insides will soon be your outsides and your outsides will soon be shucked off like some unwanted reptilian remains?" Pitch lamented from his reclined position on the bed.

"Yeah, actually, I do. I'll brew you up some more tea." Bunnymund started to reach down for one of his pouches, only to find that the loose tea leaves he'd brought with him were not where he'd left them. "What the," he pulled the small satchel out of the kit he'd had some of his googies bring up once it was clear he wouldn't be going home for a few weeks. Sure enough the bag was empty of anything tea or otherwise. "Where The Bloody Hell--" Aster cut himself off and reigned in his feelings before he upset the pregnant Boogeyman or his personal attack star. "I mean... the tea has... been depleted far faster than I expected it would."

Sandy's images took on jagged edges as he summoned up the dream-sand shiv with the ease of flicking open a butterfly knife. Had Bunny _miscalculated_?

"No." They both needed to be calm, and intense auras or not he was the only one present with a mind to be so. "Someone might have nicked the last of it."

A look of unbridled furry crossed the dreamweaver's face. He turned his head in a slow scan of the room, his gaze seeming to burn with an unquenchable fire that seared each and every one of the elves. The little rascals all froze where they were hiding, most of them mid-lick of the big green leaves they had found in the large purse by the pooka's feet.

"But how will I sleep without it?" These past few nights had been the first few he'd slept in eras, and only with the aid of the rabbit's special blend.

"You won't," came the immediate and absentminded reply.

"What? Could you repeat your full explanation to my question?" 

Bunny mentally swore after realizing that he'd spoken aloud. "Nothing, I just have to see if I have more laying around." With that little leeway Aster started to desperately rifle through his own pack for anything he could use as a substitute. There _had_ to be something he could use for the moment, even if only to take the edge off anything Pitch was feeling. Because if he didn't have something like that on hand then he'd need to send more of his precious eggs back to the Warren to fetch more supplies out of his private stores and there was no telling how long that would take them. As long as Pitch didn't go critical during that time everything would be okay, but otherwise... well, he didn't really want to think about 'otherwise'. The only other option was to go himself but at this stage he was leery of leaving Pitch alone for fear he could go into labor at just about any moment.

No, whatever happened it would be best for Pitch if he stayed put. Aster could just work around not having the herbal tea.

"How is everyone doing today?" North's voice boomed into the room along with the spirit himself as he made his entrance.

Splendid, he needed this like he needed his whiskers plucked. "Never better, red."

"I could be better," Pitch languished dramatically on the pillows, "though I suppose that will have to wait until after I'm done giving birth to my new self image. Aha-ah, oh, laughter hurts." Behind him Sandy still gripped his weapon of choice while glaring at any elves who dared to skitter out into the open. "Or until Bunnymund makes me more tea."

The toy-maker chuckled at that, "Well, is simple enough to fix that, no?"

"No," the Easter spirit answered automatically, then cursed when he realized he'd spoken aloud again. Where was his head today?

"No?" The swordsman was perplexed by that which of course put the Sandman on high alert. "Why no?" 

The spring herald cursed again, "Come over here." Better to explain it now rather than wasting time. Maybe North had some bastardized peppermint flavored atrocity he could salvage for a brew. Once at his side he pulled the red-clad spirit a ways away to speak with him in hushed tones about his current predicament. "Right, look I'm out of the leaves I usually use for Pitch's herbal tea. Don't care how, I just am.--"

"You want I should go get more?" The ex-bandit had picked up on the urgency of Bunny's tone but not the intentions.

"Not on your nelly," the pooka scoffed. "I'd have to get it myself. No, what I want is--"

"For me to stay and watch over Pitch while you go and get the plants you are needing for his tea." A satisfied smile sat on his lips as he nodded confidently to himself, completely misreading Bunny's dumbfounded silence. "Is fine. Go, have not spent much time here with Pitch because workshop is always running. Will be here if he needs anything, Sandy too."

"What? No, I can't leave him alone that long," he frantically tried to make the other understand before the Christmas fool started to physically usher him out of the area. "He could go into labor while I'm away."

"But you have left before and he was fine," the jolly man reasoned.

"Yeah, left the room for two minutes. I was right in the hall, with all of ya watching him, with easy access if I had ta get back quick." Which was a far sight different than going across the world, even if it was only a hop, skip, and a jump away for him. Rather than seeing the errors of his logic as Aster had hoped, the other Guardian just presented him with a snow globe. "Wot," he sniffed at the offensive object indignantly, "is that for? My tunnels are _faster."_

"Yes, but cannot tunnel directly into workshop." Which was the truth, he had wards up to prevent nasty things from attempting the same tricks.

Bunny stared at him trying to determine how bad an idea this was, what all the possible repercussions could be if this went wrong, and if he really had any other choice considering how unwaveringly stubborn the other could be once he got an idea into his head. Clearly North thought this was what he'd meant to ask him and by the time he could explain his true intentions and desires he'd have been to his personal storeroom in the Warren and back... if he used the magic orb to get back.

Sighing in defeat and no small amount of exasperation he took the enchanted glass into his paw. "Fine. I'll use it on the way back. However," he fixed the Guardian of Wonder with a stern glare that brooked no room for questions or arguments, "if anything happens to him--"

"--His unborn self or baby, unhappy things will happen to me." North waved the warning off dismissively. "Yes, am knowing this from last time. Go, get supplies, be back in two shakes of own tail like you are fond of saying." With that he almost shoved the oversized rabbit out of the doors.

Aster gave one last worried look over his shoulder, taking in the scene he was leaving behind. Whatever he saw, it was something he was comfortable leaving Pitch in for a few minutes because without further hesitations he was gone. North would have to explain what was up if the others wanted to know.

The jolly man just smiled to himself once the other was out of sight. He couldn't dally long though, the Boogeyman might need him. With that he turned back to his guest who had sat up in the bed slightly and seemed interested in the goings on around him. Behind him Sandy wasn't glaring as murderously as before but his blazing attention was now focused on their festive host.

It was best to be honest about what was going on, at least that was what he felt as he walked back to the bedside. "So, Bunny is going to get tea, has left you in my hands. Do not worry about a thing, my hands may be strong enough to wrestle bear but are gentle enough to put finest details into sculpting ballerinas out of ice ." As he spoke he made a few gesticulations pantomiming out the supposed actions. "If you need _anything_ just say it."

"Alright," Pitch limpidly smiled at him in the way he'd been smiling and speaking about everything, "I'll... do that." He settled back with his hands folded over the slight swell of his belly as Sandy turned to check on the hot chocolate. The dreamweaver frowned and filled the mug from a jug he'd acquired for just that purpose then went back to massaging the taller shade's back. Pitch continued to just look blandly ahead with that unchanging smile on his face. He was entirely still other than his breathing.

The giving spirit was content to just smile back at his guests, at first. From the way Bunny had looked and acted and what the other Guardians had said the dark spirit had become something of a nightmare to be around. Now he was wondering why that was. Why wasn't the fear spirit asking him for anything? Did he just honestly not need anything, was he expecting North to do something? Maybe he just needed to sit down at the side of the pregnant specter, maybe his presence was all that was needed?

North settled himself into a chair by the bed, dragged over for that very purpose, and waited with his own smile. Pitch had adjusted himself as the other moved so that he at no point broke eye contact. What was this quiet? The others said Pitch was always chattering away when they were in here. North liked to talk, he was good at carrying on conversations, so what was the matter? Did the other not want to talk with _him_? For over six hundred years he'd had a guest room ready and waiting for the day Pitch changed his mind about working with the Guardians! Even when he'd first refused the call North hadn't dismantled the room, always hoping that some day they could convince the Boogeyman to work with them and that it would eventually see use. Now that the chance was here, Pitch was confined to the medical ward for the sake of his health and the health of his unborn self and their yet to be child. This wasn't an opportunity so much as a test, a test and a chance to earn Pitch's trust and maybe, just maybe, that long lived hope would be realized and that waiting room wouldn't stand alone and empty any more. He was no fool though, North understood that his actions now would determine the likelihood of Pitch ever trusting them enough to make use of that guest room. Only, he realized with a dawning horror, it wasn't just Pitch who would be using that room in the future but his yet to be daughter as well! Suddenly the gravity of the situation hit him like a family of polar bears on thin ice. This wasn't just about making Pitch feel welcome, this was about building relationships between the Guardians and the two most prominent spirits of fear in the world! His actions now would be effecting generations of humans to come as well as have far reaching and unseeable ripples in the spirit world. If he screwed this up now then he might never be able to forge alliances with other beings outside of the Guardians' purview ever!

Pitch's throat minutely flexed with the inhalation of breath, just before his lips parted to wrap themselves around the sounds necessary to form the word, "North--"

North was up like a shot, his own inner monologue having put himself on a hair trigger of willingness to be helpful. "What is it? What are you needing? Are you too hot? No, cold? Would you be liking something to eat? To drink? You are needing more pillows? Another blanket? More paper for writing on? Another pen for writing with? Would like me to get other Guardians? Washcloth? Something to clean face with? Help stretching legs? What Is It You Could Possibly Want?!" Each question was roared out passionately, he was standing by the end of the bed by the second one and hovering over Pitch before he'd finished uttering the fourth.

The fear spirit shrank back, giving a soft sound of dismay. Sandy floated forward, shiv at the ready, clearly signing that North needed to back off _now_. "I, just," he gave another muffled sound of discomfort before holding up his hand. It looked as normal as ever but Pitch saw something that caused him to make another sound of distress.

Outside of the infirmary there arose a great clatter, like something was tearing through the building at all haste. North, having been driven backwards by the Sandman, took the opportunity to peek out the windows of the doors to check what it was. All he was able to make out was a bounding grey blur before the bouncing object slammed into the doors on an upward trajectory at the end of which it briefly touched the ceiling before ricocheting back down to the floor by Pitch's bedside. The object resolved itself into Bunnymund who was laden down by more bags of things than he'd worn since casting off his old green coat. 

"Pitch," the pooka breathlessly gasped, "I'm here." He didn't ask what was wrong or what had happened, he just went about checking his vitals and comforting the other. Only after Pitch was somewhat settled did he turn on North with barely restrained fury. "You! Bloody! _Whacker!_ You induced _labor_!"

"What? But I just--" North helplessly backed up towards the door. Bunny's sudden entrance had caused him to dive out of the way and half across the room. 

" _What did you do?_ " The pooka hissed but didn't wait for an answer before turning back to gently ask the fear spirit, "What did he do?"

Sandy started to spell out what had happened in sand as he continued to rub the upper arms and shoulders of his no-longer-totally-unrequited-crush. Pitch lifted a hand to touch and hold over his, "S-stop, please. That hurts." The dreamweaver pulled away like he had burned the other. "Thank you," came the small reply. The Boogeyman looked up into the verdant eyes of his furry nursemaid with only a slight tremble in his voice. "Sudden fear... anxiety... all at once... with yelling."

Aster bit down a snarl as he threw another look over his shoulder at North. "You _yelled_ at him?"

"Just wanted to help!" He held up his hands defensively, actually worried that the bringer of New Life was about to gut him in his own home.

"Hey, guys, what's all the commotion out there?" Jack stuck his head into the room as Toothiana peeked in with him. Everything outside of the infirmary was in a state of chaos like something had just blown through and overturned months of work. The yetis were all in a state and when the two couldn't find North in his office they sought after him in the other most likely place he'd currently be.

Bunny frowned but realized it was useless to take out his anger on them, for now. "Pitch is in labor. All of you, get out."

"We just got here!" Toothiana protested as North pushed open the other door, the yetis and elves present hastily making their exodus en masse. Her protest was answered as Aster grabbed Sandy with both paws, turned back towards the other retreating Guardians and then punted the glowing ball of gold at her, and out the partly opened doors. She pulled back and Jack thankfully ducked just in time to avoid a head on collision, both immediately retreating out of the room for fear that a boomerang might head towards them next if they didn't.

Out in the hall the other Guardians were only able to cautiously look back inside through the windows built into the doors and quickly realized that they couldn't have gotten back into the room even if they had wanted to. As soon as they were out, Bunny made a gesture that sealed the room shut.

Once he was fully and finally unburdened Aster set about chanting and weaving energies around Pitch in preparation for the birthing process. He encouraged the Boogeyman to breathe through the pain, to concentrate on the rhythm of air as it flowed in and out of him rather than his own body or a thousand other thoughts that could have been plaguing his mind.

"But I don't need to breathe." Pitch pleasantly reminded him.

"That's fine," Bunnymund finished another loop of energy to anchor the healing forces in place. "Concentrate on my breathing. I breathe, you can see my ribs go in and out."

"True," he stared at the other spirit, subconsciously attempting to match his pace. At some point he brought up his arms to help brace himself and noticed the limbs out of the corner of his eye. Pitch shifted his focus and lifted one arm to inspect it, finding that his skin was cracking and peeling, indicative of the fact he was literally crumbling from the inside out. Of all things a hole about the size and roundness of a coin had opened up in the lower area of his forearm and penetrated clearly straight through. Rather than being perturbed or even slightly concerned about the new development, the Boogeyman seemed rather amused. He smiled and even giggled slightly as he started to wave his arm back and forth.

Bunny immediately looked up at the movement. "Pitch?"

"It makes a 'whooshing' sound when I do this." He gleefully demonstrated. "Woo... woo..."

All things considered, the pooka rationalized, it could have been worse and at least he wasn't focused on the pain. "That's nice." He carefully went back to fishing his preparations.

"Yes, woo... Oh! Would you look at that, I can see Jackson in there." He chuckled before waving the arm again. "And now there's Toothiana. How delightful, there's an orgy in my arm." He thoughtfully paused, "Is it my arm, or his arm now? Oh I suppose it doesn't matter for now. Woo..." He continued to wave his arm back and forth, now and then poking the hole to widen it when it started to close up. Eventually though no matter how much he poked at it the hole managed to close up entirely. "Oh drat, I was having so much fun. Now how will the orgy ever get out?"

"I'm sure they'll find a way, Pitch." With everything in place now he just had to make sure Pitch didn't supernova when he gave birth to himself, or do something else star-like and become highly violent, or self-destructive.

"Very good." A few moments later all of the cracked and peeling skin of that arm flaked off into dust revealing the new skin underneath. "Oh, there I go."

"You're doing fine." Bunny tensely encouraged him with a forced smile.

"I know, but I just thought of something." He looked up at Aster and his mouth opened on a wretched bone-numbing scream.

The pooka was instantly at his side and trying to get him to focus on not dying. "Yer doing fine! Yer doing _fine_! Juss, juss concentrate on me! Lookit me Pitch! Lookit wot I'm doin'!" In a single leap he landed on the bed in his smaller un-empowered form. "Lookit me! I'm A Cute Lil' Bunny!"

"Why The Dark Do You Look Like That?!"

"I Turned Inta This On Easter!"

"You Looked Like That On Easter?!" Pitch wheezed through his gritted teeth, "Why Couldn't I Have Seen You From A Horse?!"

"Juss Think Of All Tha Things Ya Wanted Ta Say Ta Me Then!"

"Where Did Your Arm Bands Go?"

"I Donnu, My Fur Ate Them! What Else Would You Have Said?!"

"You Aren't Even Big Enough To Make A Pair Of Slippers! Sorry, That Was Mean!"

"'Sall Right, Juss Think About," he needed to get Pitch thinking happy thoughts again, "Didn'tcha Wanna Scratch Behind My Ears?! Me Bein' So Cute 'N' All?"

"You. Are. Too. _Adorable._ I Want To Eat You Up. But Not In The Literal Way. You're All Gross And Full Of Hair And I Don't Know What You've Recently Rolled In!"

"Go With That, Go With--" he suddenly noticed the pad and pen laying on Pitch's belly and grabbed hold of the writing tool. "Look! I'm Smaller Then Yer Pen!"

"That Is Just So _Precious_!" As he yelled Pitch's voice raised in octaves.

"Look, Look, I Can Write In Your Journal! I'll Write In Your Journal For You! What Do You Want Me To Write In Your Journal For You?!"

Pitch squeezed his eyes closed as he screamed, "Write 'I'm A Cute Flooffy Boon-Boon Writing In My Journal'!"

"Right!" Bunny used both paws to grip the huge fountain pen and lifted it up high enough to get it over the edge of the bound book to set the tip down on the page without smearing the ink. "I, am, a--Light, doing this at quarter size is a real workout."

"This Is Just Too Perfect For Words! It's A Cute Explosion!" His breath hitched on a mini-scream.

"It's okay! I'm Still Writing! Watch me, watch me write! ' _I am a_... Cute,'--sorry, gotta move over." He shuffled over a few steps and set the pen down again, " and 'Flooffy, Boon-Boon,'" he shuffled around again, "'Writing, In, Pitch's,'" then once more, "'Journal.' There!" He looked up. "What else?! What else should I write?"

"Tell my," he choked on a gasp trapped in his throat. "T-tell my future self... that I love him, that I'm proud to have carried him, and that I'm so happy he impregnated us with our baby. And--We Don't Like Blankets!" With that all the fine cracks and fissures that had spread throughout Pitch's form glowed darkly before the Boogeyman exploded into a small cloud of glittering sand.

The other Guardians all rushed the door and broke it in to investigate the explosion and found their vision completely obscured by pitch black dust. Gradually it settled or dispersed or otherwise thinned out until a strange scene was visible before them. A tiny Bunnymund stood by Pitch's hip on the bed with an oversized fountain pen between his paws poised over an open journal. Pitch himself was passed out with his head on the pillows as if he were just sleeping and looked no worse for the wear.

All of the other Guardians threw questioning looks at the spring spirit as they carefully moved further into the room. It was Jack, however, who ventured to question, "Bunny? You okay? What's going on?"

"Don't panic, I did this to myself. It was to help him." He let the pen drop from his paws then turned to face the edge of the bed.

"How did that help him?" Toothiana hovered over to help him down only to have the pooka wave her concern away.

"Got him to focus on something other than pain." Aster leapt off the bed returning to full size mid-jump. "That way he didn't implode or work himself into a continuous loop."

North casually leaned over to look into the little notepad. "'I am a cute--'"

"Like I said," he flipped the booklet closed with an irritated whump, "it was ta help him."

Sandy was pretty sure all that mattered was that Pitch was fine and Aster had done something to keep the pregnancy from ending badly. Fine, terrific, he was going to go back to his post at Pitch's head, sitting on the pillows and filling up his mug. A sudden paw across his path abruptly derailed his plans. He glowered up at the now normal sized pooka, silently asking what the meaning of all this was.

"You can't go near him yet. He ain't settled into his new look. Still a bit unstable at the edges." He was distantly aware of other beings filtering back into the room. Probably the elves and guard yetis coming back now that the all clear was sounded.

"New look?" North turned away from the sight of the Boogeyman to address his fury friend. "He is looking same as ever. No change at all."

Aster just snorted. "Are you all kidding me? Just look at him! He's a new spirit from head to toe."

Toothiana looked at Jack before turning back to face the poor overworked pooka. "Bunny, maybe you need to take a rest. Pitch does look the same, he's hardly changed since coming here, other than his belly."

"Yes," North frowned, "maybe you should take nap along with Pitch. He is not the only one needing rest."

"Actually all I need is some more hot chocolate," the fear spirit in question pleasantly mumbled from his bed.

"Oh, Pitch--HOLY!" As she had spoken the feathered queen had turned her head to regard the fear spirit. She was sure that before Pitch had only had the start of a swell to his stomach, like what humans referred to as a 'Baby Bump', but now his belly was bulging to the point it looked almost painfully distended and overall made him seem visually reminiscent of a beached seal.

From the reactions of the other Guardians she concluded they all felt about the same way.

"What-" "He-" "-that-" "-what?!"

"I told you, he gave birth to himself." Aster rubbed at his temples and tried to find a calm point to focus on.

Sandy gasped in delight, his hands went up to cover his mouth in a bid to contain his excitement. Little dream-sand hearts still formed and exploded around his head as he vibrated in place with joy. Given that normally he would have been just as confused, if not horrified, by the sudden change in the Boogeyman's condition as ally of the other non-pookas in the infirmary, was just another testament to just how much Pitch's pregnancy crazy had rubbed off on him.

"But why is he all--that wasn't _there_ before!" Jack wildly gestured at the formerly comatose spirit. "Where did it all come from?"

"She was there, just compacted down." Pitch smiled from ear to ear and rubbed his belly with one hand. "Now my baby has room to stretch." He was awake and sitting up slightly, holding out his mug invitingly. Sandy wasted no time in hurrying over to his side and refilling the container from the jug.

"Good to see you awake." Aster stated flatly, wanting nothing more than to beat each and every one of the other Guardians for causing him to awaken so soon. He would probably be fine but it was still a drain on Pitch's energy that he had wanted to avoid.

"Good to be awake. I feel like a whole new me," the dark spirit sighed with a smile. Once his mug was full he took in a deep breath just enjoying the scent. "Lovely. It smells delicious." He paused with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Do I like hot chocolate?"

The dreamweaver blinked before nodding slightly. He was fairly sure the other liked it on some level as he was almost constantly refilling the mug.

"I see." He started to raise the cup up to his lips. "And who are you? Actually, who are all of you?"

The room went very still at Pitch's questions, asked in the same placid emotionless voice as before.

Bunnymund repressed another sigh and edged closer to his patient. "Do you remember who I am?"

"No."

Oh this was lovely. "Do you know _what_ I am?"

"Of course," the fear spirit smiled widely, "you're a Pooka." There wasn't even a flicker of doubt in his golden eyes. "A bachelor at that, which is a bit odd. You are _adorable_."

"Um," Bunnymund shifted uncomfortably at that.

"Throwing yourself into your life's work then. Are you a teacher? Healer? Warrior? Scientist? Alchemist? Inventor?"

"Chocolatier," came the slightly bewildered reply.

Pitch hummed in understanding, "You must be perfect at your craft."

"Ah," Aster shifted uneasily from foot to foot, "thank you." Stars this was going to be awkward until Pitch's memories caught up to his body.

"And look at you," he turned his attention to Sandy, "protecting me with a little shiv. I have a feeling I'm going to _like_ you, whatever you are." He reached over to scratch under the dreamweaver's chin. "What a sweet little thing you are." The golden Guardian was too wrapped up in the positive attention to care that Pitch couldn't remember who he was. Maybe if they had no history they could make it work! "My, you're a very dedicated assistant." 

The edges of Aster's maw curled up into a smile, " _assistant_?"

"Well, yes." Pitch answered matter-of-fact-ly. "You're still a Pooka even if you've dedicated yourself to a specific path. If they were enemies why wouldn't you be, well, busily murdering them without discretion or preamble? I'm clearly pregnant and you're clearly my primary caretaker. As a race of life bringers it's genetically encoded into your very beings to watch over and protect peoples in my condition if they so come to you. Ergo, they must be your assistants or you wouldn't even allow them to look upon me." It was all very straightforward and rational in his own mind at least.

Aster wore a insufferable grin as he listened to what the Nightmare King had to say. "I'm going to enjoy this until your memories catch up with your current body," he said mostly to himself. "You've recently healed from an internal mortal wound, reconstructing your body in the process from ambient raw materials." Possibly from Pitch's very own 'former' star if they were lucky.

"Oh, so my memories will gradually return with time. Well," he smiled brightly, "I suppose this is going to be highly awkward for me later. I do hope you're all equally uncomfortable with this turn of events." Considering he was still unfailingly pleasant it was almost a given. "For now though," he placed his mug down on the nightstand, "I think sleep would be best. Yes, I'll have some hot chocolate later, but for right now I'm going to--" he couldn't even get the word 'nap' out before his head hit the pillow again and he was fast asleep.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 6; Time: 18:22 hours NPST

 

"Mmm, what is that delightful aroma?" He asked in a groggy monotone.

"Do you mean the hot chocolate or my herbal tea?" A familiar voice answered.

"Maybe both." Pitch's eyes fluttered open to reveal the world. He was still in Nicholas' medical wing at Santoff Claussen with the Easter Bunny and Sandman watching over him. The bunny looked as tired as ever while the dreamweaver seemed ready to shower him with affection. So, no new developments then. He was currently in the second stage of his pregnancy, having already given birth to his new self. He'd passed out after being born because he'd burned through a good deal of energy reassembling himself but now it seemed his body had decided that it had rested enough for the moment.

"Bit of a wonder you being up so early, not to mention stringing two words together coherently," Aster idly commented.

"Mmm, I've always been a fast healer." Pitch yawned widely before rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Could use a little more hot chocolate, I should think." Sandy almost threw himself across the bed to grab the mug and fill it with more of the warm creamy liquid. Once done he presented the drink to Pitch who took it up with both hands. "Thank you Sanderson, that'll be all." With that said he settled comfortably back into his pillows.

The dreamweaver was dumbfounded by the turn of events. Pitch had seemed interested in him before! Where had that interest gone? He looked to Bunnymund for support only for the pooka to shake his head sadly. "I told ya he wouldn't remember those few minutes of being up after birth. Prolly forgotten everything he said or did then. You'll just have ta earn his trust like anyone else."

The shooting star reluctantly returned to his post, dreaming about the day when Pitch would accept and return his affections.

Behind his warm mug of steaming cocoa, Pitch smiled wickedly. Just because his voice was stuck in a pleasant tone didn't mean _he_ was as well. They didn't need to know what he did or didn't remember of those few moments awake. Besides he fully intended to make each of the Guardians feel equally awkward before his second pregnancy was over.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 6; Time: 20:51 hours NPST

 

"Aster, are you certain I need this?" The elder spirit cast a doubtful look down into the depths of the mug. "I did sleep for a few hours today."

"Drink the tea, Pitch." Bunnymund pressed the mug into his hands giving him no room for arguments. "I still want you sleeping for a minimum of eight hours each night, maybe more if I feel you need it."

"Very well." He took a light drought from the mug, hardly more than a sip, and was instantly glad he'd listened to his instincts. "Take the cup," he murmured, "take the cup," and repeated with a bit more urgency when neither Guardian moved. Sandy obliged him and Pitch sighed in relief, "thank you." Hardly a second later his eyes fell closed and he was passed out on the pillows yet again.

The pair of spirits looked at each other in confusion before they looked at the other beings in the room. Had Pitch really just gone to sleep? But did that mean what he said every night before was true?

"I'll be a roo's uncle," Aster looked down at the fear spirit, " _He_ really does fall asleep after the first sip. That... kinda explains next to nothing." However if this meant he'd actually start to sleep through the nights the spring bringer would take it with no further questions asked.

Sandy had set the mug down so that he could focus all of his attention into watching the Boogeyman sleep now that he actually was sleeping. A thought popped into his head and with a bit of a smile he lifted his hand to sprinkle a little dream-sand over Pitch's head. Before he could make good on his intentions a large paw stilled his hands. "Don't. There ain't no telling wot it'll do to him or the baby, now that he's..."

 _A dreamweaver_ , Sandy sighed to himself. Well, technically, Pitch was a _nightmare_ -weaver. It was still close enough that it hurt not to be able to at least make the offer of pleasant dreams to his other half, because until that child was born they were the only two in the world and literally the two halves of one whole balanced concept. Maybe they would remain that way after the second birth but there was no telling that until the child was in the worlds. For now though, he could dream....

And if Bunny got on his case about anything he could threaten to let said dreams turn into hopes for the other Guardian to be burdened with.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 9; Time: 06:16 hours NPST

 

"I wonder if this is what a hangover feels like." Even rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms wasn't making the ache go away. The touch of little hands on his cheek made him turn and look to find the Sandman suggesting some form of painkillers. Pitch smiled at the offer but waved it off for the moment.

"You shouldn't be up this early." Aster frowned as he reached for Pitch's mug of tea.

"If that drunken lay-about can be up before the crack of dawn to start his binge drinking and debauchery, I see no reason why I should be abed any later." Even this he said in the same pleasantly flat voice he'd been unable to break over the week and change he'd been at the pole. It was starting to irk him and he sorely wished he could emote again. There were just some things that needed to be said with a bit of indignant fury burning behind the words.

"The Leprechaun isn't that bad." The pooka commented as he took back the rejected mug and settled it into place on the nightstand. Maybe he could get the other to drink a little of it later.

The Boogeyman shot him a glare that was at odds with the way his voice refused to change tones. "Underaged drinking. I don't mean just high-school children being swept along in the festivities and spirit of the day, I mean parents letting their six year olds have their first drink because it's 'Saint Patrick's Day'." He started to shift and wiggle around looking for a comfortable position to lay in. "The dressing up is fine, even celebrating the cultural heritage would be fine if he actually promoted the real cultures. Instead all that's promoted are stereotypes, and only the bad ones at that. The Irish peoples as a whole do not have a drinking problem but all outsiders assume they are born alcoholics with tempers and that most of them beat their spouses." Sandy reached down to adjust and fluff up some of the pillows allowing him to settle comfortably after a moment or two. Once he was settled he reached up and patted the other in the general vicinity of his hands by way of thanks. "I won't even go into the wet t-shirt contests and ways women are degraded on that day, or some of the unspeakable sexual misconducts that happens under the cover of 'drunkenness'. The day was meant to honor a man who brought a form of salvation to a nation, not enable criminals to turn tricks on inebriated Johns or encourage vandalism or looting and everything else unlawful and dangerous or disorderly that _happens_ on the day that everyone lets slide under the umbrella of 'Oh, well, we're just letting loose for the day. It doesn't really matter because we'll be forgiven tomorrow. It's all just good... fun.' Even Jackson knows better." Which, in Pitch's opinion, was saying something.

The Guardian of Hope made a mental note that Pitch really wasn't a morning person. He also had to concede he did have a few good points in his argument. "We can't really stop him from having his day."

The dark spirit just shook his head in exasperation. "But that's just it, it's not his day. He assumed it, or absorbed it. Well something happened to merge them together at the hip but I digress." He fixed the large rabbit with a level gaze, "Children need to be protected. Education on alcohol and what it does is a start. No need to make it worse than what it actually is, the truth of it is scary enough. That's what human societies always get wrong, they try to exaggerate the horror of illicit substances to idiotic and orotund proportions. That's why children over a certain age never take those public announcements seriously."

The bringer of New Life just smirked in amusement. "'Orotund?'"

Pitch only rolled his eyes as Sandy rubbed the backs of his shoulders. "'Grandiose' then. My point remains, obtuse language or not."

"It does, I'll agree," Bunny placed a paw over the highest swell of the pregnant spirit's belly to take a measure of how the unborn child spirit faired. "Most anyone can do is talk to him about the fallout and collateral damage the day leaves behind."

"Or just go right to the source and start educating humans. Get them while they're young and you have them for a lifetime." He knew a handful of children the Guardians had learned that from personally. Or were still learning it from. How did time work again? "Now that I think about it, did you encourage humans to change their practices for your day or did their practices encourage you to change your actions for the day?"

"Little of both, really. You sure you want to stay awake?" Granted now that he was only half as pregnant and crazy as before maybe he had a little more energy and wanted to stretch his limbs. It was understandably a long shot, really it was, but the health of both his patients mattered to him.

Pitch hummed thoughtfully. "I suppose that means there's hope to right some of the... social injustices carried out on that day. Though I still think a swift kick to the unmentionables would do miracles to straighten him out. Particularly after he's started drinking for the day. Be a bit like conditioning a dog that when they do something bad, something bad happens to them in return." He stretched his neck and back as much as he was able before sinking down into the mattress again. "In answer to your other question, yes I would like to stay awake. Maybe with some hot chocolate."

With the magic words spoken Sandy dutifully refilled the mug and passed it to Pitch. In order to grab the handle of the cup, however, the Boogeyman had to adjust himself and one of his hands brushed against the edge of the journal he'd been keeping. Ah yes, his past self had been writing his present self notes and observations with the intention of helping him learn about and understand the world he was entering. It would make for a good read while he was awaiting the arrival of the other Guardians to torment periodically throughout the day. Decision made he pressed the mug back into the dreamweaver's hands and took up the booklet instead. It had clearly started out as just a notepad with a few scraps of paper to it but over the course of the week more pages had been added and he'd changed the binding to resemble more of a proper personal diary or notebook.

The first few entries were clearly written after the fact, such as the one with Jack finding him and bringing him to Santoff Claussen with the help of the Easter Bunny and for the most part they were pretty intelligible and had a few witty observations about the Guardians and other creatures frequenting the infirmary. There was a mention of signing some papers that caught his attention and he knew well enough not to leave something like that alone. "Bunnymund, did my past self happen to sign anything before my birth?"

"No, but he wanted to." The pooka looked back at his patient. "He figured North had contracts written up and ready for any spirit to read and sign if they wanted to ally with the Guardians but not become Guardians themselves."

"How prudent." Though if memory served no other spirit had ever officially gone through with it. "I think I'd like to see a reading copy of the papers, if they exist." Behind him Sandy gave a little gasp of joy before he started to hug the other around the head and neck. How wonderful! At last his dreams could be realized. "Sanderson, please." The dark spirit forced the shooting star to calm and release him. "I said I wanted to read them. I do think my old self had the... right idea of becoming an ally. You are, after all, taking care of me. Might be useful to be able to call on any of you for... assistance." He smirked up at the furred spirit, "I know you'll want to do some follow up visits after I leave here. T'would be a bit rude and counterproductive for formalities to get in the way of that. So, for my own sanity, we may as well have something formal in place to keep things, ah, orderly."

The fallen star shot the Guardian of Hope a pleased smile. It was still just a start but at least the Nightmare King was considering the idea of an alliance. How much more convincing would it take to reach friendship from there? More importantly if he agreed to their terms and conditions then there wouldn't be anymore 'Easter' fiascos. They could work towards mending broken bridges, or at least Sandy could work on giving Pitch more reasons to live, as well as taking away some of his loneliness. His head was already swimming with visions of a happy little family of dreamweavers.

Bunny's ear twitched as he felt the phantom brush of a fledgling hope take root. "I'll see if North can wrangle up a copy for ya." He'd let Sandy have his fantasies for a little while.

"Good." Pitch returned to the journal, flipping through it absently. He had to say he was a bit impressed with his past self's mastery of calligraphy. Each stroke was well defined and deliberately made. They were smooth and strong, graceful and flowing, and transitioned between thicknesses fluidly. Clearly this was as much an exercise for his mind as well as his muscles because the transmission of information just required the words to be legible, not treated as an art form. Of course use of the journal as a mental exercise didn't prevent it from also conveying useful tidbits to him, the slow decline of coherency throughout the booklet did that well enough. Gleaning anything of use from the text was nigh on impossible the further in he delved. "Did my... past self want any, ah, specific messages passed on to me?" Clearly the former spirit was attempting to convey something.

"Ah," Aster shook himself out of his thoughts. "Yeah. He wanted ya ta know that... he loved ya, he was proud ta have carried ya, and he was happy ya, well got both of yourselves pregnant with the baby. Also that ya both don't like blankets, not that he mentioned why." His attention drifted back to monitoring Pitch's vitals and checking for any abnormalities. "Bit of a mystery that one is." 

"Indeed. Well as long as there was nothing else pertinent he wanted to pass on, then no harm done."

 _He did call your daughter Terror,_ the dream-sands whispered sweetly behind his head.

The fear spirit frowned at that. "That's not a suitable name for a child. Bit inconsiderate to go and name our baby without me. Though... it would be in bad form if I didn't honor the wishes of the departed." He sighed, considering his options. He had to admit there was a logic to such a name, Fear begot Terror therefore it wasn't wrong to give her such a designation. "Ah, Terror can be her title. It most likely will be her domain, as fear is mine, or so I must assume. I'll just have to think of something proper to call her." Pitch returned to the journal out of morbid curiosity, wanting to know just how much further his past self had lapsed into delirium.

He wasn't disappointed by what he found, the last entry especially looked like a wall of gibberish. There were random strings of letters, numbers, and shapes scrawled over the page with only select ones circled or otherwise marked out for some unknown significance. One passage was clearly altered with shadows to move the circled parts to a different corner of the page to form a new pseudo-sentence which read, 'if her ho go, burrdharks fun i big tcg hiv dc gen nuh  :-)'. Pitch couldn't make heads or tails of the message and looked at the letters that had been left behind for contextual clues. What had been left behind seemed to read, 'gygujijk0  j  kofvjfymgk knigfjfjnuo tndsjgicxwhgi hj hrdcyfmnyjfrdsh jvtj hgucrng ucthjfgvhfk tg '.

Finding no help from that he frowned deeply and went back to looking over the almost statement. "Was my past self on any medicinal herbs or other substances by the end?"

"No. Why?" Not being able to remember his past self's last few minutes would have been normal enough.

"I'm attempting to make sense of something written here. Sanderson, did you happen to use your dream-sands on me at any point?"

The dreamweaver sighed, _No, I wasn't allowed for fear of what it could do to your current self or the baby_.

"I see." Giving a mental shrug Pitch turned to the next page in the booklet. He'd save the conundrum for later but for now he felt it best to continue keeping a record of at least the most important events that happened to him while he was at the pole.

The final entry, however, gave him a moment's pause as it was clearly not in his own handwriting and was a very clear message in and of itself. Pitch blinked. Well then, there was nothing for it but to ask. "Aster," it felt only slightly odd to let the pooka's given name roll off his tongue, "are you," he smirked ever so slightly, "my 'Flooffy Boon-Boon'?"

The spring herald frowned and looked back at him from the corner of his eye. There wasn't anyone else in the room other than Sandy, and it wasn't like he was going to tell anyone. He scanned the room a few times just to be sure before he answered, "Yes."

The Boogeyman smiled wickedly, and reached over to try and scratch the furred spirit on his head. "Such a cute and flooofy boon-boon--"

"Oi," he batted Pitch's hand away, "I'm tryin' ta take yer vital signs."

The dark spirt settled back onto the bed with a chuckle. "That's a Transformer."

The Easter spirit mentally rolled his eyes. "Sure Pitch, whatever you say."

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 9; Time: 13:59 hours NPST

 

"Why does that elf have a tiny medical kit?" The dark spirit lazily asked, not sure if he was actually seeing what he thought he was seeing or having a mild hallucination.

North followed the line of Pitch's gaze to the underside of one of the other medical beds in the room. It was far enough away to not be obtrusive but close enough to let anyone sitting there have an unobscured view of the Boogeyman's bed. The little elf in question did indeed have a tiny makeshift medical kit and a handmade headband with a little felt cross stitched into a circle of cloth glued to it in place of a mirror. In one of his hands was a tiny scalpel and in the other was clasped an equally small surgical needle with some thread trailing from it. The little creature was smiling in what most observers usually found to be a rather disconcerting way, but North and the other residents of the workshop were more or less use to the formerly unsettling sight.

"That is being Bingle." The toy maker looked back at the other spirit with a warm smile. "Has big dream of wanting to be a coroner." 

"But," Pitch thoughtfully paused, "aren't all the beings here immortal?"

" _Da_ , but that does not stop him from dreaming. He is very tiny, can get where yetis cannot if reindeer are injured. Would be surprised by how often that happens and he is needing to sew them up. But usually?" The jolly spirit flicked his gaze down to some of the other elves in the room who happened to be eyeing up the jug of hot chocolate the Sandman was guarding. "Dingle and others he practices on most. They are accident prone. Now that Sandy is less with 'sweet dreams' and more with 'fast shiv' he is hoping for practical use of talents."

"It's nice to have a goal." Pitch marked it down in his little book.

"Hey, I heard someone got an early start on the day!" Jack slid into the room with a wide grin on his face.

"Indeed, I'm a night creature so there must be something horribly wrong with me." Pitch pleasantly deadpanned.

"Oi," Bunnymund looked up at him grumpily, "don't joke about that. Near as I can reckon yer little sheila probably just wanted to be awake. _You_ , however, still need to actually get some shuteye while ya recover."

"Then you might have to brew some extra strong tea tonight." The Boogeyman waved slightly to the Tooth Fairy as she darted into the room.

"I'll make a note of that." The pooka tiredly retorted. When Sandy lifted one hand with an offer of dream-sand he waved the idea away. He still didn't want their sands interacting before the child was born. It was another variable he didn't want the headache of calculating.

The golden Guardian just rolled his eyes and went back to keeping the jug of hot chocolate away from the suddenly interested elves.

"Speaking of non sequiturs, did my past self happen to mention anything about, well, blankets to either of you?" North had already said 'no' and Sandy had never heard him mention anything about them over their long acquaintance.

"Not that I can remember." Toothiana buzzed over. "He was under the bed sheet a few times and seemed happy enough. Why do you ask?"

"Not to be terribly rude but Jackson does tend to... bring the cold with him. I'm sure it's beyond your control."

"Mostly." The winter sprite hung back by the door since there was a bit of a crowd around the dark guest. "Didn't seem to bother you that first day, or any day since."

"Mmm," Pitch shrugged, "I've lost my protective outer shell. You wouldn't want me to... wither up like a shrinking violet, would you?"

"This from the man who wants us to go all gangbuster on the Leprechaun." The icy teen quipped back.

"It could be a nice bonding experience," Pitch mused, "the first joint effort of our alliance even."

"Am still thinking move to educate children about dangers of drinking irresponsibly would be better." North couldn't quite bring himself to agree with what constituted as 'underage' with the others since he himself had grown up in a culture that enabled drinking at a young age. He was also fully aware that there were some places in the world where wine was safer to drink than local water, though that had been changing over the last few decades.

"Yes, well, all roads lead to Rome eventually, I suppose. We can work our way up to a forceful intervention." He couldn't stop the little shiver that wracked his body. "For now though, perhaps it would be best if... one of you kindly worked your way up to an extra blanket. Perhaps a nice bed throw, even a second sheet would be quite splendid right now."

"Allow me," the Christmas spirit stood. "We are keeping some here for emergencies." He turned and headed over to a kind of standing linen-closet of sorts. "One can never be too careful when dealing with possible cases of frostbite."

"Hey!"

"Medical condition, Jack, medical condition." The large spirit returned with a thick blanket the same color as the bed sheet which he helped Bunny drape over the Boogeyman. "Is better?"

"Yes, much better." Pitch made sure that his arms were free so that he could keep writing in his journal. "No idea why 'we' wouldn't like blankets, honestly. This is rather... warm and comfortable, really."

Sandy frowned but couldn't place his finger on the strange sense of unease that started to nag at the back of his mind. He knew the other spirit had never said anything to him about blankets, and he'd probably been out of his mind with pain and other things when speaking with Aster. For now though he had more important things to be concerned with since the elves had taken to standing on each others' shoulders to attempt reaching him and the jug. Sighing in exasperation the dreamweaver floated away from his perch on the pillows to send them all toppling end over end back to the ground.

Jack's attention was immediately drawn by the commotion and he gave a short laugh at the elves sprawled out on the ground. This of course caused Toothiana and North to look just to be sure none of the pointed eared creatures were seriously harmed or in danger of being harmed. It also wouldn't do if they ended up caught underfoot. Thankfully Aster only had to take half a step back until the little troublemakers were shooed away by one incensed Sandman. Once they were cleared away he went back to tending to Pitch.

Only there was a slight hitch in his plans. "Crikey!"

The other Guardians all turned to see what had caused the Easter spirit's outcry and were shocked at the sight. The blanket which had before been loosely draped over Pitch was now tucked in around his body in a completely form-fitting way, almost as if he'd been vacuum sealed into place. He was, effectively, a Boogeyman burrito. The longer they stared, however, the more noticeable it became that the blanket was somehow coiled around him like a python in some areas and each time he moved it constricted fractionally.

Pitch himself only appeared mildly surprised by his circumstances. "Ha, I do believe... this is what my past self was referring to. The blanket seems to have... trapped me. Oh well," he reached over and grasped the handle of a mug, "at least I don't need to be getting up for some time. This is... rather agreeable, actually."

"Are you sure 'agreeable' is the right word?" The fairy queen started to look the fear spirit over cautiously. "That looks like it could turn painful at the drop of a hat."

"Mostly sure." Pitch thoughtfully paused, his eyes going unfocused and distant. After a few minutes he shook himself back to awareness then turned to address the others. "Yes this is nothing to worry about, yet."

"A few more memories come back to ya, did they?" Aster started to visibly relax now that they were assured Pitch was in no immediate danger.

"Perhaps," the Boogeyman answered cagily with a sharp smile. "I think the more pressing matter is... what are you going to do when the elves come back?"

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 12; Time: 09:55 hours NPST

 

"Then you agree with me, it _has_ to be done." Pitch leaned conspiratorially over into Jack's personal space, as least as much as the blanket would allow. Off to the side Aster was pretending to ignore both of them while he rearranged the contents of most of his healing kit. He'd gone through enough supplies that it was easier to compact everything into fewer bags to keep out of the reach of small hands. Sandy was likewise engaged in the kitchens busily refreshing the jug with more hot chocolate.

The winter teen just smirked. "March _is_ pretty early in the year. And I don't think the seventeenth is too close to the twenty-second of the month." He could start the day before and just let the snowstorms carry into the next day. Four days was plenty of time for most places to dig themselves out from under a blizzard.

"I knew you would understand." The dark spirit chuckled mildly. "It's good to see Desmond didn't make too much of an impression on you. 'Jason Frost' just doesn't have the same... kick to it. Wasn't even your real father."

"Yeah," Jack leaned back in the chair as Pitch spiraled back into crazy town, "that role has been filled by the Man in the Moon. Technically." The guy did bring him up from the water.

"Oh, well then, given the choices maybe you would have been better off with Desmond. He might have been a misogynistic bastard, but at least he meant well. Tsar Lunar is, well," Pitch pondered the best choice and decided to keep it simple, "a dick. A great big dick who doesn't know the first thing about communication."

"Preaching to the choir," the icy teen agreed without hesitation.

"Jack," the pooka growled out warningly, "what have I said about riling him up?"

"What? This isn't 'riling', I'm not starting any fights." He flashed a wholly unbelievable 'innocent' smile. "He's just swinging back into one of his 'I hate the Man in the Moon' moods. I'm just going with it. Venting is healthy."

"I have the distinct feeling my past self said that at some point." Pitch helpfully added.

Aster just frowned at both of them. "Right. Don't go getting any ideas though, yer in no condition to be moving about." His eyes dropped down to the bedspread. "Er, if ya could move about."

"How unkind of you to remind me of my limitations." Pitch dramatically turned away from the oversized rabbit. "Maybe I shouldn't bother talking to you." His interests were suddenly diverted to Sandy floating back into the room with a fresh mug and refilled jug of hot chocolate, along with a few elves trailing behind him. "Now that is a lovely sight."

The Sandman playfully batted his eyelashes like any classic movie starlet then blew the Boogeyman a kiss. Flattery would get him _everywhere,_ something he made sure to make clear as he handed off the mug.

"Mmm," he lowered his head as if he were about to return the kiss, "I think the only thing I need gotten is... a cup untouched by that elf."

Sandy canted his head to the side in confusion, a question mark forming over his head. _What do you mean? Which elf are you talking about?_

"That one, with the eyes and that little bell."

"That's all of them!" Jack grumped.

The Sandman, however, wasn't so easily deterred. _I'll sort him out,_ the golden Guardian assured his beloved nemesis. _But why do you need a new cup?_

"Because I'm sure that elf is the one who keeps trying to poison me." It was always in his room, had even convinced some of the yetis and all of the other elves that it just really, really liked Pitch. But the fear spirit knew better. "I didn't mind when my past self was still around, but now there's one less layer of filters between those toxins and my baby. It simply wouldn't do to drink from anything he could have handled." He regarded the little beast where it stood staring vacantly at the ceiling. "I think I'll name him StarScream."

"What?" Aster looked up in bewilderment. 

"I don't know, what was I just talking about?" Pitch thought for a moment before nodding to himself. "Ah yes, I wanted more hot chocolate. Could I please have more marshmallows in my hot chocolate? That would be so very nice."

"You have a hot chocolate in your hand," Jack pointed out. "And I think Sandy made sure there are plenty of marshmallows in there for you."

"Hmm?" The Boogeyman looked down to find the drink the winter sprite was talking about. "Oh, so there is and so he did. How thoughtful of you Sanderson, I could just kiss you."

 _I wish you would_ , the dreamweaver sighed longingly.

"Come now, don't be ridiculous." He set the mug aside and picked up his journal instead. "I'm _hardly_ that kind of Boogeyman."

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 13; Time: 16:04 hours NPST

 

"Yes, now that you're all here I can finally tell you." Pitch started ominously, even though he was still using the same bland monotone as always. "Apparently my past self was something of an... inconsiderate wretch and went about naming our daughter on his own. Still he is a dead man so I suppose his final wishes should be honored so the name will see some use. Terror is a fine title and I have no issues using it as such but not for her true name, oh no. That is where you all come in." He smiled warmly at each of the five Guardians in turn. "I was thinking of naming her something pretty, something unique and unlike anything else. I want it to be bold and original, something singular and easily recognizable as the name of a powerful yet graceful being. I want to name her something that inspires awe if not directly terror itself, possibly hope or something that could be lifted up only to be shattered when one realizes what they are truly dealing with. I want a name that sings like a double-edged sword cutting through both light and shadow, a passionate name that is grounded in the earth and carried on the wind like a misty breeze. What are your thoughts on... Emily Jane?"

As one, all the Guardians spoke in unison with a resounding and flatly stated, "No."

(Sandy formed a picture of a large 'X' over his head and even crossed his arms in the same shape to help drive the point home.)

"Mmm, yes, maybe it is a bit too," the fear spirit tapped the rim of his mug with a forefinger, "pedestrian."

"It's too _human_ is more like it." Aster reasoned with no amount of restraint from his position at Pitch's bedside. "It's not remotely anything you said you wanted."

"I do like Earth languages, they're all so... exotic and foreign sounding." There was something romantic in giving his child an otherworldly name from a distant and unknown culture.

"But Pitch," North chuckled lightly, "you have been living on planet for millennia. You are as much part of world as humans. How is their culture not your culture?"

The dark spirit sighed and sunk further into the bed. The movement made him frown and he reached over towards his nightstand to set his mug down. "I suppose I did have a hand in shaping this world--socially, not literally. Not about to step on your toes, Bunnymund."

"'Sall right."

"Indeed." With his free hand Pitch grabbed Sandy's dream-sand shiv and started to violently attack the blanket and sheets cocooning most of his body. All the while his face remained passive save for the deep frowning of his lips.

The other spirits were up in alarm but none of them reacted faster than Aster. "Pitch! What The Hell Are You Doing?!" He bodily tried to wrestle the shiv out of the dark spirit's hands for fear that he would hurt himself. Sandy even attempted to recall the dream-sand forming the weapon but found he couldn't manage it.

North was on the other side of the bed from Bunny just a moment later trying to hold down Pitch's one flailing arm. With less limbs in the way they stood a better chance of getting out of the chaos unscathed. He knew Bingle would be disappointed but they just couldn't risk the pregnant man being hurt. Because of North's bulk, though, the other Guardians and beings in the room could only helplessly watch the struggle unfold.

In the end Pitch relinquished the shiv to Aster, while North's hands came away with a strip of cloth and, "Are these... _spikes_?!"

Upon closer inspection it was revealed that the underside of the blanket and some parts of the sheet had manifested long spikes that clearly would have been driven inward towards the Boogeyman's body from the way the covers had been constricting him before.

The fear spirit just sighed in disappointment. "I dislike agreeing with my past self, but it would seem he was right about... blankets."

"Has that _been_ doing this to you for the past few days!?" Toothiana worriedly cried.

"Oh how kind, but no dearie. They came out when I shifted that last time. I don't mind them puncturing a lung or a spleen, I'm not really using any of them, but I couldn't abide the possibility of my baby being harmed." Pitch proceeded to stretch and wiggle his toes now that he had freedom of movement again.

Jack gave the deadly blanket scraps a dubious look and a wide birth. "You don't sound like that's the first time this's happened to you."

"Technically this is the first time it's happened to me." Pitch adjusted himself with Bunny and North's help into a more upright reclining position. "It has, however, happened to my past self many times."

"And what exactly is... _this_." The winter sprite gestured at the shredded pile of cloth.

The Nightmare King caste a baleful gaze on the remains of his bed-spread. "Child logic." Though his voice remained even and unchangingly pleasant in monotone there was something about the careful way he enunciated each word that conveyed a certain level of distain for the concept, at least pertaining to bedding.

There were a few moments of silent confusion before Sandy gasped and clapped his hands to his temples. Of course! He should have remembered that from his nightly duties. How often had he seen a child cowering under the bed sheets knowing that they were the only thing keeping them safe from the monster in the closet?

Aster looked up at the commotion once he was sure Pitch was fine. "What is it Sandy?"

The dreamweaver's sands spilled out into the very images he remembered seeing for the benefit of the others.

"So, Pitch," the Christmas spirit tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible, "you cannot use blankets?"

"No." He sighed in annoyance and mostly to himself. "Children worldwide believe hiding under the covers will keep them safe from me." Which made for furnishing his own personal quarters a rather arduous if not tedious task.

North thoughtfully considered the situation while Bunny handed Sandy back his shiv, Jack and Toothiana digested the new information and the other beings in the room all settled back to their posts now that the apparent crisis had been averted. An idea struck him and nodding to himself North asked, "Trouble is specifically with blankets, or all covers?"

"Blankets, exclusively. I've yet to have any trouble from my towels." Though knowing where they were at all times was half the battle.

"Might have just right thing then." The jolly spirit returned to the linen closet he'd retrieved the blanket from but this time came away with a furry bundle. "When is blanket not blanket?" Before anyone had the chance to answer him he tossed open the bundle and draped the resulting covering over the Boogeyman.

Pitch's eyes lit up in delight and he smiled. "When it's a pelt." The 'pelt' was actually a patchwork of several smaller animal skins all stitched together to form a larger mass.

Bunnymund gave an indignant honk as he pointed down at the offensive hides. "That's! Those are!" He looked up at the red clad Guardian with a mix of bewilderment and betrayal. "Don'tcha have somethin' else? Like bear?"

Now it was North's turn to look offended. "What? No, cannot use _bear_ fur at time like this! Rabbit pelts are good luck. Is for healthy pregnancy!"

The Guardian of Hope twitched slightly, unable to get over the backhanded compliment. "Well, put something else over... it," he finished lamely.

North smiled triumphantly as he went to fetch over a different not-quite-blanket.

Pitch, in the meanwhile, just started to smooth down the pelts and adjust them to his liking. "I wouldn't say no to an afghan. Maybe two if the wool's thin." Once satisfied he looked around at the other spirits. "So, we were discussing possible names? What about something that rhymes with Terror? Or maybe sounded like it?"

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 15; Time: 08:15 hours NPST

 

"But think of the Children." He really needed to do something about this monotone, he was unable to even whine like this.

"It's our job to think of _only_ the children." Bunny snapped back. Stars, he probably needed a nap or a stronger tea.

Pitch folded his arms over his chest and slumped down into his mess of furs, throws, and other not-quite-blankets. "Then I don't see why you're fighting me on this."

"Because he's just the Leprechaun. He's associated with the day, he's got no control over it." This felt like the hundredth time he'd explained this and Sandy had stopped being helpful somewhere in the early forties. The golden cream-puff was just nodding along to what the fear spirit had to say.

"Just as _you_ have no say in your day?" Which had to have been a load of tripe.

He didn't need this headache, honestly. "I'm a Guardian, that makes me powerful. And I'm older than I look."

"The Leprechaun is old too, possibly even older than booze. Not that he would remember what being sober is like." Pitch paused thoughtfully, as if mulling over what he'd just said. It could work, it might take more than one sitting but that was nothing new. He even had just the Nightmare for the job. "Leonard."

"Who's that? The Leprechaun's real name?" Bunnymund chuckled, "I can see why he only wants people calling him by title now."

"Oh no, Leonard is... one of my loyal Nightmares. So many of the herd turned on my past self once he was proven too weak to control them but a handful or so of them did remain loyal. You'll see him for yourself soon enough."

"Wait, 'him'?" The spring spirit frowned. "I thought your ponies were all Night _mares_."

Pitch just shook his head with an air of long suffering patience. "They are. His name is Leonard and _he_ would like you to respect his life choices."

"Neigh." Before the conversation could continue any further the spirits present were suddenly made aware of the arrival of a Nightmare. She... he... it was sitting by the side of Pitch's bed opposite of Bunny and wore the grumpiest frowning face of discontentment that could fit on the muzzle of a sand-beast. The Sandman unconsciously inched away from the black horse to sit further in on the pillow pile.

"Ah, right on time." Pitch smirked which only seemed to make the beast grumpier. "I have a mission for you, something that I think you would be best for." The Nightmare made no sounds of rejection or acceptance. "I want you to bring nightmares to the Leprechaun. Let him relive the days before alcohol and during prohibition. I'm sure you'll be able to get more elaborate than that but there you go for a start. He's an alcoholic so let him dream of being sober again."

The Nightmare, apparently called Leonard, snorted quietly before uttering a short series of 'Neighs' at the Boogeyman. The fear spirit only chuckled at that. "Why Leonard, I didn't think you would be so cruel to start. Humans usually urinate on themselves over those kinds of dreams, though... I suppose as a drunkard he'll most likely have urinated on himself already. One less thing to concern yourself with. Go, have--ah, well I should say," he smirked wickedly, "don't enjoy yourself."

The mare's permanent frown slowly morphed into an unsettling creepy grin that somehow showed a hint of pointed teeth. With the blink of an eye she... it was gone.

The room was able to exhale as one, not that any of them had even realized they were holding their breath. Sandy settled back into place and Aster finally pulled his eyes away from where the sand creature had been to look at his patient. "Whoo... whaa?"

"That was Leonard."

"That most certainly was not!" Bunny looked back at the place the horse had been.

"True enough, Leonard is a nickname of his own choosing." He wasn't about to go into the details of the mares all more or less naming themselves or taking on certain aspects of his personality. No one needed to know any of that but him. He hummed in a bit of delight. "This outing will do wonders for him, he hasn't left the lair much in the past few months. Now he's got a new project to throw himself into."

 _That horse looked far too happy about making another being feel uncomfortable_ , the dream-sands whispered behind him.

Pitch only smiled. "Well... the more beings there are around, the more there are for him to make feel uncomfortable, the happier he is with life. As they say 'Misery loves company', and Leonard is a... social creature."

The dreamweaver decided it was better to just let the subject drop for now.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 15; Time: 15:48 hours NPST 

 

"Thank you, StarScream, I'm sure this eggnog is wonderful." Pitch smiled down at the little elf that had handed him the goblet before it turned and ran off to a different part of the room. It had been trying harder to win his trust, he was sure of it. Well two could play at this game and he had the advantage of knowing the urchin was out to get him.

"That ain't his name," Aster tiredly corrected him, "you'd do well not to keep calling him that. Be enough of a headache for red if the little blighter developed a bad personality complex because of that."

"I'm sure it's fine, cottontail." Jack waved away the concern. "What's in a name anyway?"

"There's power in names, Jack." Pitch sniffed at the eggnog. "Some of the oldest magic is true name magic. Why do you think I'm agonizing over Terror's true name?"

"Light, I'm still sorry he did that to you." The pooka genuinely felt bad for the dark spirit having that choice taken from him. He might have wanted the girl to be a different type of spirit than him, if he even wanted her to be a spirit.

"Did what to me?" The Boogeyman looked up at the busy rabbit. "He did nothing to me and everything to our daughter. Yes I admit that I'm... quite vexed by his decision, but it is one I have already accepted and will learn to deal with."

"By naming her something different and less terror-like?" The icy teen ventured.

"Maybe." Pitch sighed appreciatively as Sandy ran his fingers through his hair, undoing tangles before he set out brushing it. "I'm debating how terrifying I'd like her true name to be. I still want to play around with sounds. I think I was on the right track with something in the four syllable range."

"Not too many human names like that, at least not ones that will probably make the sounds you want." Or conjure up the feeling and images he wanted. Some of them almost seemed at odds with one another and reminded the winter spirit that again the Boogeyman was temporarily out of his mind.

"Thus the search goes on. How are those reading papers coming?" He shot Bunny the question with no time to adjust for the change of topics.

"Uh, that's--North's got the major handle with that." The hare stalled. Really it was up to North to bring the papers but all of them were mostly sure it was too soon to let the dark spirit see them. After he was back in his right mind or of being in no danger if his blood pressure skyrocketed then they would let him look over the paperwork.

Pitch just frowned. "At this rate I should just declare myself unofficially allied with you. I can do that, yes," he looked between each of the Guardians, "there are three of you here."

 _Yes_! Sandy gleefully answered before the others even had a chance to say no to the ruinous idea. _We're a majority so we can witness for the group._

"How fortuitous. Then I'd like to officially declare my unofficial alliance with you."

 _Motion passed!_ He shot the other two spirits death glares pointing his shiv at each of them in turn. They were not going to take this away from him unless they wanted to walk funny for a week or five.

Aster swallowed thickly in apprehension. "Agreed. Motion seconded." He tried not to wince at the way Sandy jerked his hand but the shooting star _had_ gotten a little ahead of himself.

"Awesome, motion third-ed and welcome to the club house." Jack grinned from the relative safety of his perch on the chair. "How about a toast?"

"I'll drink to that," Pitch held up his eggnog and proceeded to salute the others with it. "Cheers." Just as he was lifting it to his lips, however, he managed to catch the reflection of something in the liquid. Whatever he saw made him frown as he stared deeper and deeper into his drink.

"You okay there?" The icy teen called out to him.

"Sheril?"

Well that wasn't the answer he'd expected. "What? Is... tell me that's not another name idea for your daughter."

Rather than respond Pitch  brought the glass closer to his eyes to have a better vantage point of viewing the contents. "Sheril, are you in the eggnog? Don't worry, I'll take you back to your father." He half turned to look back at the Sandman. "Sanderson." He tried to press the goblet into the dreamweaver's general person area. Rather than letting the drink spill and make a mess the golden Guardian just took the cup. "Sandy. Sheril needs you. She needs to go back inside you."

Normally the shooting star wouldn't even bat an eye at the prospect of drinking eggnog for any reason. But this just seemed a little... off. There was something disconcerting about it and the way Pitch was acting. The drink was already in his hand, however, so refusing it now would do nothing but upset Pitch which was the utterly last thing he wanted to do. With little choice the Sandman shrugged and knocked it back like he would any other glass of eggnog.

Apparently that was the right choice because when he looked up it was to see the Nightmare King smiling fondly at him. "There, now everyone is happy.... Goodnight all." With that the Boogeyman closed his eyes and rolled over to sleep.

Everyone present held their breath wondering how long he would really stay asleep, if he really was asleep. The elf Pitch had dubbed StarScream especially seemed to be chanting for him to just _stay_ asleep.

In shifting around his journal slid from where he'd had it up on his chest to down into view and opened to the last page he'd been writing on. There was a partly transcribed passage he seemed to have been working on to form a new intelligible message from. The original line read something like 'j uh jou i ih[ttusv ??KLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL pal bfdgdswtutuuuop 00.' Clearly more work needed to be done to make heads or tails of it.

Jack, however, tilted his head from side to side as he attempted to do just that. "Wonder what it's supposed to say," he murmured to himself without even realizing it.

"That's what I'd like to know." One slim grey hand reached down to snap the book closed. Pitch yawned slightly before looking around at the others. "Well, that was a pleasant nap. What were we talking about again?"

A collective sigh of disappointment went up from the infirmary. 'StarScream' burst into hysterical tears and ran from the room.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 18; Time: 14:38 hours NPST 

 

"But if you look at it logically he's making your job more difficult." Pitch through he was being very reasonable and couldn't understand why there was still so much fuss over his plans for handling the Leprechaun. "People drink and he encourages them to drink into excess, even binge-drinking is part of his purview. Humans start bar-fights, break parts of themselves and lose a few teeth here and there, and even swallowing some of them in the process. Tell me, how easy is it to collect teeth scattered over a tavern floor? After they've passed through a mortal's GI tract?"

When there was no response forthcoming, other than a continued look of horror from his current audience of one very silent Tooth Fairy, the Nightmare King pressed on. "Also, did you know that drinking too much alcohol will cause tooth decay? Of course you know that. You know all about what alcoholism does to the human mouth if both are left untreated. The rotting, the cavities, periodontal disease and then ultimately the falling out. All because of drinking too much rather than in moderation, if at all." He looked up at his gapping audience, reaching out to clasp hands with them. "You understand now, yes? If the humans didn't have a mascot encouraging them to do unspeakable things to themselves then they wouldn't do it. This, none of this was ever about ego. None of this was ever about anything but the safety of children... and the teeth."

"Yes!" Toothiana cried out lividly as the mini-teeth wailed plaintively. "For the sake of the children's teeth we have to break them of bad habits before their parents even get them started down such destructive paths! We have to find, and confront, the Leprechaun about being a better role-model!" It was hard to tell if she was being sincere or just humoring Pitch to keep him from going on about more dental hygiene issues caused by drinking. Her feathers were ruffled up with discomfort, probably because she didn't want to keep thinking about everything the Boogeyman had been discussing.

"Excellent," came the sly grin before it bloomed into a smooth smile, "I'll put you down for the search party. I fully expect the Guardians to honor their promise since most of you seem so keen on tackling this issue personally." Sanderson had been agreeable from the start. Jack was easy enough to convince to bring blizzards on that day to all the major partying cities. Even Nicholas and Aster both conceded that the imp was a troublemaker and that too many children were hurt by drunk drivers. That wasn't even counting all the teens who got wasted before they were legal or the college students who threw away their lives to become booze-hounds. So many potential inventive geniuses and insights lost! Now Toothiana was on board with the plan to save human teeth of all ages and walks of life. It shouldn't have surprised him that she would collect more than just children's teeth but he had never paid that much attention to other aspects of her life outside of directly and indirectly working with the children.

"Woo-whoo! That's one more for team," Jack floundered for a convenient name that wasn't 'The Guardians' or 'Big Five', "we'll figure it out later. One more for encouraging children to learn more before drinking! Or team, just, one more for the team!" He continued to whoop and fist pump the air energetically.

The Boogeyman looked positively scandalized and turned his head away. "Really Jack, I know you're very good friends and all but perhaps you should consider the North Wind's feelings. Perhaps he's not in the mood for a hand job right now."

The frost bringer froze mid-whoop. "What?"

"Well you know him best so perhaps he is in the mood. I, however, would rather not have to watch you both fornicate." He didn't fight off Sandy's attempts to comfort and pet his head as if he could sooth away the mental images.

Everyone else in the room felt a little uncomfortable after that, Jack most of all. The young Guardian slowly lowered his hand and quieted down. He tried to think of another topic to get everyone talking again just to do something about the awkward silence.

Thankfully, or unfortunately, Pitch beat him to the punch. "How are Frankie and Josh doing anyway?"

 

~Elsewhere~

 

Deep in the forests around Mount Olympus, Boreas aka Aquilo screamed bloody murder. Usually he wasn't in the mood for it, usually he was happy enough to blow his little snowflake all over the world wherever his heart or Mother Nature desired. But Jack had been stuck _inside_ so often lately, and not just anywhere but inside the workshop at the _North_ **_Pole_**! It was like a direct taunt in the wind's face, which was just frustrating on _so_ many levels that he had to scream.

North Wind howled again and damned Pitch Black for interfering with the closest thing he could get to having Jack Frost bent over a cloud bank and screaming for him. Really, why did that insufferable bastard have to destroy all the nice things in life? There was no answer from the heavens, not that those living in the heavens had good communication skills anyway but it was just another aggravation on top of the mounting pile of aggravations. It also wasn't doing anything for the problem Jack had left unfinished.

With a disgruntled sigh the North Wind took himself in hand so he could tend to more urgent needs. One day, just one day, he was going to let the boy drop out of the sky and into the realm of gods. Maybe even right into his lap. Either way someday he planned to show the boy that for three hundred odd years he had _never_ been alone.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 19; Time: 12:03 hours NPST 

 

"He's the only one bringing me eggnog. He's up to something."

"Pitch, please, do not think so hard about what little elf is doing." North failed in his umpteenth attempt to placate the fear spirit.

"You haven't been here watching him. StarScream is more cunning than you think he is." Pitch couldn't let them be fooled or his next drink could be his last. Behind him Sandy massaged where his small hands could reach.

"Please, his name is Dingle, not StarScream," the toy maker corrected his guest tiredly.

"To be fair," Aster spoke between large gulps of tea, "you call all the elves Dingle other than Bingle and that one little nipper who fell into my river."

"Elves do not need encouragement with individuality." He didn't want to think what would happen to the workshop if they regained any of their former cunning and violent tendencies. As they were, the elves were a nuisance at worst only causing minor delays in production at best. He found better use from them as toy testers, because if something could survive the elves it could survive whatever children threw at it. Or threw it at. That wasn't the point right now.

"You are needing to let this go. Little elf is not trying to poison eggnog or hot chocolate."

"Yes, he's graduated to the cookies." Pitch insisted.

North just put his head into his hands. It didn't help that the elf in question had just waddled over with a tray of icing topped treats. The Sandman squinted at the coincidence.

"You see? How do you expect me to _not_ think that he's planning something untoward?" The Boogeyman frowned down at the little creature. "Are you working with him? Does he know? What have you told the Leprechaun about our plans?"

The elf just blinked before it lowered the plate and selected one of the cookies to start licking. Sandy scowled and pointed at his eyes before pointing at the elf. That one clearly needed watching, and if the pooka wouldn't do it he would!

"Oh, how clever," the fear spirit scowled darkly, "you want me to think you wouldn't poison yourself." Pitch pulled the furs and afghans tighter around him. "How do I know you just made sure there wasn't one poison free cookie?"

"Alright," Bunny looked up from monitoring Pitch's vitals. "That's it, I think someone needs more sleep."

"No, am thinking someone needs trust building exercise." Without further explanation North reached down and picked up three different cookies from the tray. One he handed to Bunnymund, another he gave to the golden dreamweaver, the last one he kept for himself. "We eat and show you all is well." It wasn't like being poisoned would do anything to any of them anyway. There was no risk only gain because when they didn't fall over sick or dying the Boogeyman would see that there was nothing wrong and all of his fears had been unfounded. With this perfectly sound logic in his mind, North took a bite.

Normally Aster would have put up more of a fuss but with as little sleep as he'd been getting the sugar would probably do him good. He popped the whole thing into his mouth and started to chew.

Sandy was never one to turn down sweets and likewise put the whole thing into his mouth. He instantly frowned at the taste knowing that the yetis usually did a better job than this. It was an amateurish mistake. Really, how could they not tell the difference between sugar and salt? He looked to the other Guardians and saw that they had come to the same findings and from the looks of things they shared his desire to spit the snacks out.

The swordsman, however, refused to do so and powered his way through. He chewed and at last swallowed the baked good, pointedly looking at the other two spirits to do the same. With a resigned air they did, though Aster was moderately sure he would regret doing that later and Sandy immediately asked for another eggnog.

"There," North started with a voice that hardly wavered, "is just fine."

Pitch looked at the plate again. "Well. Maybe I had judged him too quickly." He leaned back into the pillows and Sandy's warmth. "I'm sure they'll taste all the better with some pickles for contrast. The stronger the better of course."

" _Da_ , will see that some are brought up." He called over one of the yetis and sent them down to the kitchens with orders to bring back a small sampler platter. With that done he turned back to the cookie eating elf. "Dingle? Take cookies away." He smiled as the tiny creature bounced and smacked itself in the head in a salute before dragging the plate away to feast.

Once out of sight the elf, StarScream, pushed the plate at the other elves with a frown. They greedily set upon the cookies, all too happy to lick off all the extra salt he'd sprinkled on them. He looked over his shoulder to scowl at the Boogeyman. He had been lucky this time, but the fear spirit's luck couldn't last forever. Soon... all he had to do was bide his time, and then he would be leader of the Nightmares!

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 19; Time: 12:45 hours NPST 

 

"It's all right," Pitch sighed at the offerings, "you tried."

"But," North shot a perplexed look down at the sampler platter, "you said you wanted pickle."

"I did indeed. These, however, are not pickles. I'm sorry," he edged the serving plate away, "these are just cucumbers that have been brined for a little bit. I will say they are trying very, very hard to be pickles and I wager a few of them could make it with a little more time. But I need something that will actually clear up my sinuses."

Aster's one ear twitched as a thought crossed his mind. "You looking fer something strong enough to make your eyes water?"

"Are you offering?" Bunnymund had his interest with the prospect.

"Might have something," the pooka answered noncommittally, "you might be able to handle a little of it, in your state." With that cryptic observation he reached in to his 'emergency' emergency supplies and pulled out a small capsule. It was hermetically sealed to help lock in the flavor as well as the scent along with all the other goodness. With a careful twist he broke the seal keeping the contents fresh and preserved.

Everything in the room knew the instant he opened the container and most of them turned away or tried to plug up their noses. Sandy just turned off his sense of smell because Aster hadn't been kidding about whatever making the eyes water.

Pitch shifted upwards with a look of anticipation. "What is that divine delight?"

The Easter spirit smiled proudly. "A Pooka Pickle, least that was the common name for it, back in the day." Now he was the only one around who would eat them and the pickling process took a rather long time. Add in that the ingredients were hard to come by and he didn't make them too often or in large batches. Even if Pitch was the Nightmare King it was still nice to have someone to share them with. "Go ahead and have a nibble."

The dark spirit gladly took the canister and inhaled deeply. "Mmm, now this is just what I wanted." With that he put the pickle, capsule and all, down onto the nightstand and admired it.

There was a beat of confusion as the pooka tried to understand what he was seeing. "Is... is it too much for ya? I've got milder ones."

"No no, that's just what I wanted."

"But then," Aster looked between Pitch and the pickle, "why aren't you eating it?"

The Boogeyman just laugh. "Eat that? While drinking hot chocolate? Oh no, that wouldn't do at all. No," he smiled and settled back into the pillows and shooting star, "I'll save that for after so that the flavors don't mingle. Which reminds me," he picked up his empty mug, "could I have some more hot chocolate?"

For a moment Bunnymund debated the wisdom of brewing himself some of the knockout tea.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 23; Time: 20:27 hours NPST 

 

Pitch bared his teeth in a hiss. "I will not eat StarScream cookies. I don't trust them and I don't trust _him_ ," but even with such feelings showing on his face his voice was as placid and pleasant as ever, much to his own chagrin.

"Am telling you," North held the plate in his own hands, "cookies are fine and elf is not StarScream."

"At least he doesn't think it's a buddy of you-know-who anymore." Jack was flopped over the back of a chair recovering from unnatural turbulence over the Mediterranean.

"Oh please," the Nightmare King snorted, "I could teach you-know-who a thing or two if he was you-know-real. The Leprechaun is a clear and present danger."

"We know," Toothiana tried not to think about what she did know before she got stuck in an endless loop of mental horrors showcasing the ravaged mouths of mortals.

"I know why I can't do anything about him at the moment but I fail to see how I've managed to do more from my sickbed than the five of you who are up and about."

 _To be fair_ , came the whisper of dream-sand, _two of us have dedicated ourselves to your comfort and have not left your side for more than minutes at a time_.

"It wouldn't take much to make a difference. Though," the Boogeyman mused, "if it was easy to make a difference I suppose more humans would be doing it."

"You set that miserable looking horse on him," Aster hovered his paws over Pitch's midsection, "I think that's more than enough." Because being chased by personal demons was never a fun experience or walk in the park to get over. The poor guy now had one of the fear spirits personal Nightmares dedicated to making his life hell and unpleasant in every way possible. He wouldn't put it past the beast to inflict waking dreams and hallucinations on her... his target.

A subtle shift in the air set all of Bunny's nerves on edge. The only visible cues he gave were the straightening of his ears and widening of his eyes. "Yeah, I think that's plenty." He looked up, not caring about whatever they were all currently discussing. "Everyone out, now."

"Wait, what?" Jack lifted up his head to try and see what had caused the sudden attitude change. "Something up?"

"Pitch's second labor, that's what. Now everyone, _out_."

The Easter spirit received no further arguments from any of the other beings in the room. They all remembered last time much too clearly, and knew better than to ask questions this time. Jack and North each took one of Sandy's hands and dragged him from the room as Toothiana held the doors open with some of the yetis. The elves all retreated outside of Bingle and StarScream who were both content to watch from under one of the neighboring beds.

Once everyone who was going to leave was gone the bringer of New Life went about setting up the room to his liking. "Right, this is going to be a little different than last time."

"Different how?" He might not have been able to sound worried by he certainly felt apprehensive.

"Well since I'm here for the start of it there should be less pain." Maybe, depending on how his physiology reacted. The tea would at least take the edge off if this became a long, drawn-out process. Considering he'd already given birth once it would probably be a bit easier to go through it again. "It's alright, I'm here and I'll guide you through it."

"Do you know when it will start?"

"Not rightly sure but it should be soon." He mumbled something under his breath as he lit a bit of incense he'd placed by the door.

The elder spirit gazed warily at the burning herbs. "And that's to..."

"Give the life energies something to grab hold of and bend around easier. More for your sake than mine. You'll need to focus on a point, something that will let you stay awake and aware through this. We tried your breathing last time, but," he sighed in disappointment.

"I don't breathe." Pitch finished for him. "Very well, I'll watch your smoke signals."

"Thank you." He went about and made a few more adjustments to the room. When he was done he circled back to Pitch's side and gently moved all the not-blankets to the foot of the bed. "How are ya feeling?"

"Well," the fear spirit contemplated that for a long moment before he turned back to give his answer, "like I'm going to start screaming now."

"Ah, wot?"

"I'm going to start screaming now, thaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pitch's hands went from being neatly folded in his lap to gripping onto the sides of his bed. His claws tangled in the sheets and almost ripped up the bedding underneath him as he writhed in agonizing pain.

Aster was startled by the ferocity of the sound but quickly shook it off. He had to for both parent and child's sake. "Focus, Pitch, Focus On The Smoke Cloud!" He started to mentally twist the dusty fumes into shapes and patterns for the other to follow while he went about preparing some topical numbing agents. He wasn't sure how this was going to happen and if Pitch just exploded again the medicines would be for naught. "Keep Focusing, Just Tell Me Where It Hurts Most."

"HAGAAAARRRRAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Everywhere, Huh. That Happens. You're doing fine--" The distinct sound of cracking caught his attention and Aster turned to see a rip of sorts had formed at Pitch's suprasternal notch. It wasn't happening to his clothes but the actual skin in the dip of his collarbones was tearing open to reveal a deep inky blackness inside of him. The cracking continued down the length of his body following his plunging neckline to just  below where his navel would have been. At that point the Boogeyman's body cracked open as if he were splitting in half, which caused even more horrendous sounds to leave his throat.

"Bloody oath," Bunny couldn't _see_ anything past the blankness. There were just shadows and darkness and how was Pitch not bleeding out energy or dying and why didn't he feel like anything was amiss?!

"BABY! OUT! NOW!"

"I'm working on it!" Light, how was he supposed to do this with a fear spirit birth? He couldn't see anything to grab on to let alone a baby inside of there. He pulled out an emergency hand light egg and activated it before shoving it inside so he could see his way around Pitch's innards. Before he could even look all he saw was a flash of silver and shiny surfaces. Taking it to mean there was something to see he looked inside... and regretted all of his life choices that had brought him to that moment. "Light Why?!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO PUT IT IN THERE!" Pitch snarled. Of course there were things one didn't want to see _in_ the shadows, that was why they were in the shadows and not in the light to begin with!

Bunny quickly switched off the light and tossed the egg into a bin across the room. He could always burn it later, for now he would just have to find the spirit cild by touch. "Here goes nothing." With that he put his paws back into the darkness.

Pitch continued to hiss and groan in pain as Aster's arms sank deeper and deeper into the apparently hollow body of the Boogeyman. He was a little worried when he got elbows deep and still couldn't find anything to grab onto. How much further down was the child hiding? He already didn't want to think what he was wading through or even who he was gradually sinking shoulders deep into. "Where are you, ya little nipper?" If he leaned in much further he'd be halfway into the other Spirit.

"Baby want out nowing!"

"I know, I know, I understand, I understood what ya just said there." Now he just had to find her in all the darkness. It wasn't a little trifling darkness either but felt like he was waving his hands through soup. Everything felt gummed up and slippery like even if he grabbed something it would flit away before he could get a proper hold on it. "Come on, where are ya little sheila?" 

Pitch made a gagging sound before he grunted and arched his back. Whatever that did Bunny's paws were suddenly brushing against something solid and he grabbed hold of it before it could get away. He felt out the shape of it and swore that it had limbs. It definitely wasn't bone and he was fairly sure it wasn't some kind of internal organ. "Easy there," Aster braced himself and took a more secure hold on the possible baby before attempting to pull it up out of the black.

The object and Aster's arms broke the inky surface with hardly a ripple.

There laying peacefully in his hold with eyes closed was a naked newborn baby fear spirit without a drop of shadows on her. She was perfectly silver with mottled skin just like Pitch's, and looked just like her father only... clearly not an exact replica of her father. She was still too small and too young to make out many significant physical features. 

There was more hissing that the Easter Bunny turned to check on. It turned out to be the fortuitous sound of Pitch's body closing up and reshaping itself back into something closer to his natural size. The seam fused back together into an invisible line of a scar that would most likely heal away to nothing over time. In that moment Bunny was acutely aware of and grateful for the inappropriately low v-neck of Pitch's robes. It had allowed the Boogeyman to give birth without Aster having to see anything below the belt or otherwise result in him having to gouge his eyes out.

"Baby...?" The dark spirit weakly reached out for his child having stretched as far as he dared in his healing state.

The spring spirit gave a soft smile. "Here," he gently and gingerly handed her over, unhappy that there weren't any other pairs of hands around to offer her a blanket. He was filthy as it was and he couldn't just hand over something to wrap her in.

A little jingle at his feet alerted him to the fact they weren't as alone as he thought they were. Both Bingle and StarScream were working together to drag over towels for either the Boogeyman or Easter Bunny to use. With a bit of a chuckle Bunnymund looked back at Pitch only to find he'd already woven shadows into some kind of swaddling and was nuzzling and snuggling his baby girl tenderly. When she blinked the pooka caught a flash of gold and silver eyes.

"Every bit her father." Maybe when they were all recovered and of sound mind he would have a name of his own to suggest. For now though he picked up one of the towels and wiped his paws on it. "She looks like a healthy lil' tyke."

"She is," Pitch tiredly murmured. His gaze slowly rolled over the rabbit, "Did you want to...?"

Aster nodded. "New Life, I have to give my blessing. Just," he held up his dirty paws helplessly.

The fear spirit gave a raspy chuckle. "Don't mind." He meant both that he didn't mind waiting for the other to clean himself up or if he had to bless her before that was possible. The Guardian spirit was the expert on matters of birth at the moment so Pitch had to trust his judgment.

Aster interpreted it as not minding a little goo on his baby girl and shuffled closer to them. Taking more of the excess off of his paws he lightly touched Terror's forehead with the tips of his pads, murmuring old words in an almost dead language to himself. The spark took, had already taken, and he could feel how solid and alive she was and would be. "Heh, she'll be right... She's fine. Nice and healthy. And strong, just like," he couldn't say it because his mind was an age away on a man who should never have had to face the last of the first horrors and their brood alone. Looking down at her, at the little spirit child in Pitch's arms, E.Aster Bunnymund the last of the Pookas, knew that whatever was left of Kozmotis Pitchiner was in this room speaking with him now.

"Her daddy," Pitch sleepily finished. He snuggled her closer which caused Bunny to withdraw his paw. The child giggled and reached out for her father. "Baby, my precious baby." His eyes started to droop closed, "I'm going to pass out now."

"No worries," Aster mopped up as much of the last of the black goop that had dripped from his arms with the towel, "I'll be here." He turned and threw the soiled cloth into the closest laundry hamper only to find there was a decontamination shower in the room. It was on the far wall a ways away from Pitch's bed but still gave him an unblocked line of vision to his patients. Really, if he was going to be honest with himself, a wipe down just wasn't going to cut it. After forcibly ejecting the last two sneaky elves from the room, he hobbled over to the stall and turned to take one more assessing look at the resting fear spirits.

Pitch was out like a light with his baby daughter on his chest tucked under his chin. Asleep or not the girl was at least being quiet and cuddled closer to the warmth and safety of her father.

Confident that nothing was going to further break or explode in the next few minutes Aster reached over and pulled the chain of the shower. It might not have been as warm as he liked but it was fresh and clean and scouring the last of the inky shadows out of his fur. That didn't make him feel cleaner, even once the water started to run perfectly clear. He'd touched shadows, something, he didn't have a word for what he'd seen inside the Nightmare King. Whatever it was he'd come away knowing that it was a bad idea to shine a light around inside the Boogeyman, not that he felt anyone would ever have the opportunity to do so again. It still left him feeling like he needed to shave off all the fur that'd come in contact with... it. He couldn't even think of it as his fur anymore. There was a razor on hand, not even out of paw's reach. It wouldn't take too much and he could re-grow his fur right away....

Aster picked up the straight-blade and gave everything below his shoulders a quick twice over. It didn't make any actual difference, but he felt cleaner in his own mind. After a quick scrub-down of his exposed skin he re-grew and washed all his fur so that it would seem as if nothing had happened. Only another pooka would be able to tell what he'd done or notice any color differentiation.

He finished cleaning himself up, then cleaned the shower before he went around tidying up the rest of the things he'd set up. The incense he let burn a bit longer for good luck but even that too was cleared away. When the room was set to rights once again he returned all the not-blankets to their proper place and started checking the new vitals of Pitch and... Terror. She really did need a different name and hopefully Pitch already had one picked out or things were going to get awkward quickly.

A light scraping at the doors caused him to jerk up and focus his attention elsewhere. The other Guardians were all pressed up against the glass windows built into the infirmary doors trying to see what was going on. Aster just sighed and started to rub his temples. "I hope you're both heavy sleepers."

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 24; Time: 00:49 hours NPST 

 

"Don't fuck the balloons... Don't do it... You won't get a bigger penis that way..." Pitch jerked awake with a start and instinctively tighten his arms around the bundle in his arms. It had been forever since he'd had a dream... a... dream. His mind calmed and let him gradually process where he was and what was going on. He was still in Santoff Claussen, in the medical wing, in the bed he'd been confined to since arriving there. The Easter Bunny, who was passed out at his side and somehow managing to share the bed with him, had been his nursemaid since then as well because he was---

Pitch looked down at the bundle in his arms and shakily sighted in relief. That hadn't been a dream. He had... he had given birth.

 _She's beautiful_ , came the sleepy murmur from just behind his head.

The Boogeyman started to crane his neck only for Sandy to float around to his front so they could converse face to face. "Thank you. Everything is still feeling a... little stiff."

 _Including your voice_ , he signed with amusement.

"Mmm, shouldn't be permanent but I think if it is then I'll make the most of it being so... unsettling and disarming."

 _You would._ The golden dreamweaver settled himself down on Pitch's other side, a pleasant warmth and pressure the Boogeyman would never admit to enjoying. Publicly. Yet. Maybe--damn hormones.

"Did you try to give me pleasant dreams?" Not that he could even remember what he had been dreaming other than it was rather... disjointed.

Sandy nodded. _A bit,_ he sighed quietly. _It was something of a test. Your pregnancy had effects on all of us though you probably realized that._

A sharp smile curled his lips. "Just a bit."

_Cheeky bastard._

"You're one to talk."

 _I never said I wasn't._ He couldn't help his smile when it felt like they had slipped back into old times before the bitterness and the fighting. He could almost pretend...

"So, what did your tests prove?" Pitch absently shifted the shadows around his daughter to give her more room to stretch and grow. It had been a few hours and she had already matured from new born infant to toddler and somehow manifested her own clothes in the form of a white sleeping dress.

 _That you are a dreamweaver like myself,_ he hesitated for a moment not knowing if he wanted to say the word hanging on the tip of his thoughts. There were countless promises and possibilities in that word as well as a thousand ways to damn himself. He didn't know if he would be able to take it back or blame it on sympathetic pregnancy hormones if the other didn't want to hear it or pretend it didn't matter. But the thought of not knowing, of not at least trying after spending so much time in close quarters would be like a slow death of everything he stood for and guarded now that they were allies and would potentially be working together regularly... like before the bitterness and the fighting and complications.

_Kozmotis._

The Nightmare King paused.

Sandy held his breath.

Pitch blinked and slowly exhaled before inhaling again. "Maybe."

Sandy smiled. It was enough.

"So... what does this mean? Being a dreamweaver." It was a bad dodge but the other... star was gracious enough to pretend that was what he'd meant all along.

_I tried to give you good dreams but my sands slid away. Not exactly rebuffed but they didn't take nor were they corrupted into nightmare-sand._

"Then that power is my own now, I did manage to evolve it."

 _But that means we can't really influence each others' dreams... beyond a very basic point._  He formed a tiny golden butterfly in his hands and let it flutter over to the blackened dreamweaver and his child.

Pitch reached out to touch it and found that it did indeed not blacken. It seemed a bit lonely to him, however, and taking the opportunity to test the new ability he manifested his own sands and shaped it into a matching black butterfly. It was a bit bigger, possibly more moth-like than he would have wanted and he had a feeling it was a bit of a predator, like some kind of hawk of the insect class, but it was still beautiful to him. It managed to flit gracefully around with the other apparition without eating it so he counted it as a success for his first attempt while in a semi-coherent post-pregnant state.

"So that dream I had was a normal dream rather than one of your visions or my... what pass for my dreams." Which only he needed to know.

Sandy nodded rather than pressing. They had all the time in the worlds to reconnect and relearn each other. Maybe he would never have that wish of a life with the Golden General fulfilled but there was still hope of having a family with the Nightmare King. _Did you have any other questions? Aster and I have been keeping the others out and will continue to keep them out until you're ready for company._

"Thank you for that. I don't think I could take any excessive noise right now." He absently stroked his daughter's hair and found it was already growing out as black as his own.

 _Heh, North can be quite, ah,_ **_enthusiastic_ ** _at times. Just consider me the night guard._

"I thought that was my job now." The words left his mouth before he even realized his lips were moving.

 _It could be, anytime, but I like allies more._ He looked away to the sleeping pooka and thought about how they four collectively were almost the entire remains of the Golden Age. It was a little sobering and just not what he needed to think about then. Small steps, small steps.

"Mmm, allies is... fine. I can work with that, being allies." He couldn't just ignore a few hundred years of rivalry and actual life and death fights, but the balance was shifting and he would be a fool not to adapt. Besides he had just given birth and if need be he could always say later he didn't remember all of this conversation. Time would tell as would actions.

 _Allies then._ That was fine. It wasn't a no but possibly an invitation or a trial run.

"I'm feeling a bit sleepy again." Even if he was a fast healer he was also still funneling energy to his baby to help her stabilize.

_Then rest. I won't let anyone in before you wake, and I'll impress the same on Aster once he gets up._

"That's good." He let his eyes fall closed. "She's maturing at a stable rate?"

Sandy nodded and patted his side. _Aster said she was healthy and that all was well with her._  

"Good, good..." Not more than a moment later he was sound asleep.

The shooting star pilot sighed fondly at the sleeping spirits before he turned his gaze to watch the pair of butterflies as they flitted around the room.

 

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Day: 24; Time: 11:36 hours NPST 

 

"You're only in here because we're allies and I'm still recovering. Please don't make me regret letting you all in at once."

Bunnymund had woken earlier and checked both he and his baby over throughly to be sure the fear spirits were healthy and well. Pitch's daughter was now somewhere around the human equivalent of an eight to ten year old, rapidly growing at a steady pace as was the norm for fear spirits, or so Pitch had said. She was still small enough to curl up on her father's chest and be picked up, but large enough to give the unwary trouble. Currently she was nestled beside Pitch on the bed wrapped in one of the brightly colored afghans with one of his arms protectively curled around her shoulders and wearing a simple children's shapeless grey-white dress.

Pitch pressed himself further back into the pile of soft things he'd been brought to keep warm (including the ever present Sandman) as the other Guardians entered the room.

"There will be no regrets," North spread his arms wide, "only congratulations and celebrations!"

"Nicholas, shades help me, if you attempt to plan a baby shower for me--"

"Don't fight it," Jack shook his head with a resigned sigh, "just don't. He's like the unstoppable force of party planners."

"Did he _tell_ you about the guest room?" Toothiana asked.

"Guest room?" Pitch felt there was a disconnect somewhere that wasn't entirely his fault.

 _Stars,_ Sandy face-palmed _, how did that_ not _come up before now?_

"Please, red," Aster held up a paw as he started to rub his temple with the other, "be gentle." Sometimes being the Guardian of Hope had its drawbacks, especially when the Guardian of Wonder carried an undying hope heavy enough to put a crick in his back.

"Yes, guest room." North beamed, "Had them all built when workshop was first being made and Manny was saying who to make offer of Guardianship to. Your room is still standing. Will just have to make adjustments. Make it bigger, to start."

"I have a guest room?" Something in his brain shorted out at that. "After all this time?"

The ex-bandit just smirked. "Always hoped you would come around."

"He's not lying," the Easter spirit snorted, "I have the aches to prove it. Please, if ya could just have a look 'round the suite before you leave it'll take so much weight off my shoulders."

The Nightmare King worked his jaw soundlessly for a few moment. "I'll... think about that." A quiet tug at his sleeve had him focusing all of his attention on his little girl. "Yes baby?"

Terror pointed at one of the mugs on the nightstand. "Daddy, what's that?"

"Oh," Pitch followed the line of sight to the end, "that's hot chocolate."

"Can I have some?" Her sweet and slightly pitched voice pleaded.

"Of course," he started to reach over only for Sandy to put the mug into his hand and then drop a straw into it. "Thank you, Sandy." He offered the drink to his daughter while still holding the cup himself.

The young fear spirit sipped at the liquid slowly and made a happy sound as it trickled over her tongue. When she was done she giggled lightly, "Mmmm, this tastes better now that I have a mouth!"

Pitch chuckled warmly. "Ahah, yes, it do-" before the meaning of that sentence caught up with him and he stopped himself short, "I'm sorry baby, what?"

Everyone else in the room had the same general reaction and looked about the way the Boogeyman felt because had they just heard that?

Terror blinked cutely up at her father and repeated what she had said a little slower and with more enunciation, "'This tastes better now that I have a mouth?'"

For the second time in as many minutes the Boogeyman was left speechless and had to remember how to make his voice function. "Baby, what... how?"

The little spirit just smiled. "There were shadows at the bottom of the cup, and I was thirsty."

"Oh," Pitch thought about that, "there are aren't there? Did you want more baby?"

"That doesn't answer anything!" The frosty teen thought they had left crazy town now that Pitch was done being pregnant.

The girl giggled sweetly and cooed, hugging the small mug tight to her chest with glee. "His pain tastes like water ice!"

"It does, doesn't it?" Pitch stroked her wavy hair and sighed in contentment. "Baby, have you been the one drinking daddy's hot chocolate all this time?"

"No, it evaporated," she gave a razor sharp grin, "into my belly!"

Aster's ears fell flat as all logic seemed to have left through the nearest window. He had been so sure...

"The power of child logic." The Boogeyman sighed. "Once I touched a mug she was able to manipulate the shadows therein to get something to drink. Were you very thirsty baby?"

"Ah huh." Terror looked up with large silver-gold eyes. "Daddy, you'll have some now?"

"Yes, I'd very much like that." With that Pitch took the straw into his own mouth and finally indulged himself in the warm beverage he'd been craving this whole time. "Mmmm, oh that is lovely." He turned to look over his shoulder. "I'll need a second straw and for this to be topped off."

"Yay!" Terror threw her arms into the air in delight, "We're sharing!"

After shaking himself out of his dumbfounded shock Sandy dropped another straw into the mug and filled it back up to the top with fresh hot chocolate and watched the fear spirits enjoy the warm drink together, all the way to the last drop. 

Later, the golden dreamweaver mused, later there would be many things they'd all need to talk about. Later they would have to work out the details of an alliance, look over paperwork, decide if this meant they were no longer fighting for good or see if this calm was just an effect of Pitch's hormonally befuddled mind. Later they would possibly help Pitch name his child something more to his liking yet befitting a Terror Spirit. Later the two of them would have to work out just what they were to each other and where they stood be it as allies or more. Maybe even later they would all coordinate a plan to visit the Leprechaun and have a long talk with him about his life choices.There were really no shortage of things for all of them to discuss later, and maybe that was what they had all needed all along. But later would be just that, _later_. 

For the moment, Pitch was still recovering from giving birth and would need to stay in Santoff Claussen until he was well enough to take care of himself and his daughter. If he ever went back to his lair. Bunny would continue to tend to the Boogeyman until he was healthy enough to leave as would Sandy continue to stand watch over them. The two of them would keep watching over the Fear Spirits even after they left, now that they were inexorably tied into each other's lives. But most important of all, for that very moment, there was a new spirit child in the world, one which the Guardians had sworn to protect and keep safe. They would make the most of her new presence and Pitch's relative calm and enjoy the peace of right now. Later would come, but for now, right now in this tiny infinitesimal moment, everything was Golden.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone who can guess all the references gets a cookie. But you have to show your work. You can fanmail me on tumblr if you want to keep it secret or just comment/pm here.
> 
> Who knows, maybe you'll find stuff I wasn't even aware of.
> 
> You can reblog it from [here](http://heartlessdarkness-mun.tumblr.com/post/79895946248/rotg-fanfic-pregnant-pitch-is-be-cray).
> 
> As always, comments, likes, reblogs, and fanart are love. 'Terror' belongs to Vihtalaini so credit her if you draw her. Otherwise go nuts, you have my full blessing to draw anything involving this fic/AU you want, just credit/link back to the story.


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